starmark | IC Inbox | rubycity_rp

[He's lying on his back on his bed when the video message comes in. The watch chimes, but he doesn't reach to answer it immediately; there's a small mass of otter curled up on his chest and snoozing away, and frankly he'd be perfectly fine with just sitting there and watching her for hours and hours. The impulse is there, right in the beginning, to drop everything and reach for it — something might be wrong, someone might be in trouble, it might be urgent and maybe he'll need to roll out from under her and run...

But he makes himself stop, and tries to tell himself that five minutes isn't going to make any difference, he's not shirking anything and anyone who might be calling him right now is either competent, has other people to depend on besides just him, or some amalgamation of the two.

So he breathes, slowly, and counts them as he does, watching the way she rises and falls along with his lungs filling and contracting. One hundred breaths, and then he summons Star just long enough to grab his watch for him and deposit it in his hand, and he flips it open and watches the message left for him and —

...

Very nearly snaps it shut again, honestly, but what stays his hand (of all things) proves to be something he's actually called her on before, but that turns out to be the right thing to say to make him stop and reconsider, this time.

If I don't know, how am I supposed to protect you?

Should she have said what she did? No. Being pissed off...he has every right to do that. But she also didn't do it from a place of awareness of anything; she didn't know why having it screamed in his face might've set off deep-buried things he keeps to himself, why it dug in deeper and stayed when it should've struck but glanced off.

He's had his reasons for the things he's done, too. Some of them have been justifiable reasons, even if they haven't necessarily been good ones. But that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt people. That doesn't mean you don't still own up to that, and say you're sorry.

...So.

She's trying to do the right thing...right?

Closing his eyes with a sigh, he fiddles with his watch and returns the call (she's awake now, right? maybe she'll pick up), focusing on the weight of the sleeping mass of otter on his chest while he waits for his cue in the form of the sound of her voice.]

[She doesn't pick up immediately, partly due to the fact that she wasn't expecting any kind of response so soon but mostly just because she isn't so sure that answering would be such a good idea, if it really was him. Having avoided him and actually dealing with this problem for the last week or so, Izabel had come to terms with the idea that maybe they'd never get along, no matter how much they each cared about Giorno, about Kakyoin, and the rest.

...But she'd still owed him the apology, and she still wants to try.]

Hello?

Don't make a lot of noise, you'll wake her up.

[He doesn't elaborate on the "her"; a tilt of his wrist to better frame the blob of fur on his chest does that on its own.]

Do you want to start by just saying what it is you thought I did?

[Her brows furrow in clear confusion, and she's about to ask when he shifts the video. Though she doesn't actually comment, the sharp inhale and the way her eyes widen probably conveys the shit, that's cute blaring in her head. If only they didn't have to have a real discussion like the growing teens they were.]

Not...really. [Might as well be honest, though she holds up a hand to signal that she's going to continue anyway.] I thought... He was really dead. Dead people stay dead, it's just kind of... That's how it works. So I thought, especially if you saw his ghost and everything, if you'd brought him back -- he. He'd be stuck in there, in his dead body. Bound there.

I know dead people stay dead.

[He goes quiet a minute, breathing turning audible as it comes through obviously gritted teeth, and the weight of his otter helps because he has to try not to disturb the slow rhythm of rising and falling she's grown accustomed to as she sleeps, lest he accidentally wake her up.

So. Slow and steady. And quiet. And careful, deliberate word choice.]

He wasn't the only person who died that night. Far from it. He was the only one I managed to do anything about.

He got a blood transfusion and I restarted his heart. There were two doctors with me and they said the same thing you were getting at. That he was dead and that was it, there was nothing. They were going to give up on him.

He is fine now. I've talked to him. They checked him out and said it was a miracle. Maybe it was. But his body isn't dead, and he's not stuck anywhere. I didn't chain him down to anything; the tough old bastard just...survived, even that.

[...]

So what you said. If I'd accepted that, like the doctors did, then someone who could've been saved would be gone, because I'd abandoned him when I still could've helped.

But don't start trying to split hairs over "really dead" and not. He was dead. I say a lot of shit about my granddad, and I can't explain what it was that made things happen the way they happened. But if there's anyone in the entire world who could figure out how to cheat death and sneak back out with a scheme in his eyes and a stupid grin on his face, it's him, and maybe that's what happened. All I did was make a body work again. That he came back into it at all...that wasn't me in the least.

[She can't help the occasional grimace that pulls at her mouth or the fact that she can't really bring herself to look at Jotaro as he speaks, or even watch the small otter curled up on top of him. Other than the reminder that he'd lost Kakyoin as well, and who knows who else, it's...relieving to hear that it wasn't just Jotaro and his Stand breaking the rules. The knot in her gut untwists and she exhales slowly, head bobbing in a tiny, guilty nod.]

...Oh. Shit, I really fucked up, didn't I? [It's rhetorical.] It...really scares me. The idea of that happening? It's one of the most terrifying things in the world, to me. [This time, her breathing is a little shaky.] But that doesn't make what I said okay. I...knew it was fucked up right away, I just couldn't...explain it.

You don't really get to pick what you're afraid of.

[He flicks a glance down at the otterblob on his chest, fixating on her whiskers for a minute while he seems to mull something over.]

I'm not going to say it's fine, because it's not. But I get that it's easy to get caught in that kind of trap, wrapped up in yourself instead of thinking about other people and where they're coming from.

Mmn...

[She goes quiet, agreeing with her silence. And then:]

She's cute.

Yeah.

[...]

She's a river otter. If she weren't curled up it'd be easier to tell, she's longer and sleeker than a sea otter, and has a tapered tail. It helps cut down on resistance when she swims.

[He pauses.]

Will swim. She doesn't know how to swim yet, but she will.

Oh... You really like otters.

[But it's nice to hear him talk about something he's passionate about without it being inherently upsetting.]

She too little to swim, or something?

They're not born knowing how. Their parents teach them.

[Implied: so I will have to teach this one, someday, because apparently I am its father.]

She's pretty smart, though, even without that.

[...]

You know, you didn't seem too keen on the idea of kids when I brought it up.

Kids don't float when you throw them in pools.

[JOTARO...]

[And because this is video, Jotaro will actually get to see Izabel slapping her face into her free hand.]

Oh my god, you're... [something, that was for sure.

But anyway...] Where'd you find her? Was she orphaned somewhere?

Sort of. We found her on the beach, and I said I'd take care of her.

[Which is technically true, with a lot of important parts left out.]

[How is that sort of... Jotaro what if the parents come BACK AND YOU JUST STOLE THEIR BABY??]

[no, okay, jotaro probably wouldn't do that, he was legitimately worried about waking the baby up so he cares for her wellbeing and staying with parents would have been for the best, so. that's not what this is.]

I guess I haven't heard of someone who knows more about them than you. Should be good for her.

[...]

You know... I can turn into an otter. If you need, like, an example to show her, as she grows.

It's a long story. But it's supposed to be good for both of us.

[One more thing that's depending on him that he'll have to care about himself to care for, after all. If he goes and gets himself in trouble, where will she be?]

...Okay. This is an honest question and not an asshole one. Are you offering because you actually care about her having that, or are you being manipulative under the cover of helping out?

It...can't be both?

[The weak sheepishness is quickly replaced by a sigh.]

Look, I...know you hate it when I do that. But I don't really know how else to be, and it's even worse around you. [Because he wouldn't accept her as easily. Smart, really.] And... I dunno. I miss Hazel. Playing with her.

...You'll hurt someone you care about someday, if you're not careful about that. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just saying it's easy to get in over your head with it, and think the whole time that what you're doing is right.

[...]

It can be both. Just don't let it get out of hand, is all I'm sayi— suggesting, I guess.

...Mmn.

[She'll take that into consideration, then.

And struggle eternally because after so long, how do you not manipulate people?]

So... The verdict on the ottering... Is that out of hand?

No. It's something I'll keep in mind, genuinely.

Is that fair?

[She perks up a little, smile hesitant but there.]

More than fair.

[nnnnnn okay]

...I already worry about it, you know. Giorno a little less -- [They were so similar in that way, after all.] -- but. When you talked to me about this time that first time? I thought... I thought it would really hurt Kakyoin, if he thought it was just me being...the me you know.

...I have no idea what you even mean by that. "The me you know"?

Kakyoin's pretty hard to deceive. Especially when it comes to something like people who are manipulative.

The me who gets her shit called out on and doesn't bother to deny it because it's mostly true anyway. The one who doesn't find a way to phrase things because she thinks it'll sound better one way or the other.

...Maybe. [And she doesn't even want to admit this has crossed her mind because what does that say about her -- ] But he's also so worried about people meeting Hierophant, if they'll like him. So when they do, he's...more open. [...] I do like Hierophant, by the way. And Kakyoin. He's a really great guy.

IC Inbox | rubycity_rp | I

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