starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

See? And you didn't think you'd be able to tell the difference. Sooner or later you're going to be fluent in the language of photographs of me without a shirt on.

But not quite yet.

You'd know if it was a smug bastard picture.

wait
what

what the hell

the fuck did i do this time???

Oh, probably something.

But I meant it was a celebrating being able to not wear a shirt picture.
Smug bastard thief would be different.

Taking your shirts barely qualifies as stealing anyway. You've never even tried to stop me.

hmmm
that's true
i guess that means you'll have to not wear a shirt more often

you look good in it though
you look mine
that's the best part really

[ Another photo. This time he's perched on the side of the couch, knees tucked into the shirt and not even pulling the material taut why is this shirt so big, holding up a little plastic food container.

Full of cereal marshmallows. ]

That's a smug bastard thief picture.

For educational purposes.

i can't tell if you're smug about the shirt or about the marshmallows

or both
i bet it's both

Both. Definitely both.

Before, you asked what you did.

...
yeah?

what did i do

I don't.
I don't really know.

I've been wondering. Because of this. And because it's been.
Well, it hasn't really been a year.
But the calendar says it has.

I remember two different sets of events.
And I don't really recall either very well. I don't know if it's because I was fucked up or because.

Because everything else is a little bit fucked up.

Do you remember?

...
i

i remember, yeah
both sets of things
because i'm the one who changed it

i think part of changing it is that i have to be the one who remembers

I thought you might.

I think.
I need to know. At least I need to know what happens this time. The time I was there.

I should have said this before I sent the pictures. The picture was meant to be a distraction. In case you didn't want me to do it.
Because I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm not asking for permission and I'm not asking you to come with me.
I'm just telling you to warn you. Because you don't have to deal with it but you do have to deal with me whether you like it or not. So if it messes with me then
I guess you don't have to deal with me if I'm being shitty but I know you will. You always do.

I forgot to say what I'm going to do. I'm going to those machines.
Sometime soon I think.

i understand
i know how it feels to
...
to need to do it, i guess

because you're right
it's different when you're living through it moment by moment
than when you go back and do it again
when you kind of know what's coming
what to watch for

but i want to go with you
if you'll let me

not because you need me to
but this way i can be there for you
even if it's only after you're finished

I didn't understand before. Why you'd want to do it again. I don't really understand now. But I don't like that I can't remember. I don't like that I was there but that I don't really know what happened. I didn't like it when I came here and found out I'd been here before and couldn't remember it. But it's different when.

It's different when it's because of you.

That's not how I wanted to say that. It's not because of you. It's because I'm alive, so I have things that I should remember. The being alive is because of you. You changed things to make me alive, and I don't remember the parts of that night that I was alive for that I wasn't alive for before. I don't know if the two are related. There were a lot of things that night that would lead to my memory being fuzzy.

Or maybe I was unconscious, in which case this is going to be boring as fuck but I'll know that it's normal that I don't remember anything.

You didn't fuck with my head. You didn't make me forget things. You wouldn't. But I don't remember and it bothers me and if I don't fix things it'll be on my mind forever. Just waiting there. I'm a shitty person who lashes out and if I don't fix it then sooner or later I'll dwell on it so long that I'll get mad and want to hurt you and I'll say that you made me forget like he made me forget.
And I won't mean it and maybe I'll even apologise and we'll never talk about it again.
But you'll remember.

It's the only thing that you'd remember like Adrian remembers.

So I need to know what happened. And I need to see it for myself. If nothing else then to disarm future-me.

That was a lot of words to not really say anything at all. What I mean is.

You can come with me.
But I need you to not change anything, no matter what happens. Because if you change things to make it easier for me then I'll still be able to say that to you. I need to know that I've seen things exactly as they were.

[He listens quietly, and it is a lot. It's a lot to have to bear, even from just the implications of what Kakyoin is saying. The potential for what could be. The distrust. The mistakes. The need to know.

It's hard, but hard to bear and hard to accept are two very different things. He accepts it instantly, because he understands. Because he remembers Adrian's fears, the words he can never unhear. Because he remembers his own, always, always — they're the same type of Stand.

His feelings are complicated. But the answer is ultimately rather simple.]

that's why i want to come
is so that you'll see everything
what you saw and what i saw
you'll see as much as the two of us together can give you

but
here's what we should do
so that you'll be able to be sure, absolutely

you go first, alone
watch what you remember and see
and then i'll join you and we'll watch it again

that's how you'll know i didn't change anything
you won't have to rely on just a promise

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds. Not good, but right. You remember it alone, now. So I'll remember it alone. Then we can remember together and we'll both.

We'll both get it. And if it fucks us up we'll know why and how to fix it.

Thanks for humouring me. It. It means a lot, knowing that you want me safe. Knowing that if you had your way nothing would ever hurt me. But it means a lot more that you let me pull this shit, even knowing it's going to suck.

I'm assuming it's going to suck. That or I really am just unconscious for the whole thing and you're just doing a fantastic job of not laughing at how dramatic I'm making it.

oh come on
i wouldn't do that
it's not like you're polnareff

you aren't unconscious for the whole thing
i'll leave it to you to see what happened in detail but

he
the first time around
the universe i changed
he really did have to kill you to keep you down, nori

you'd only have stopped if you were dead

I hope he was appropriately surprised that it even worked. I hope he was keeping one eye open the whole time, just in case it wasn't enough.

During Cordis, then. Or we're done with moon nonsense for the month. If I'm asking you not to protect me then I'm not going to do it while you're Sanguis. I'm awful but I'm not that awful.

ok
during cordis sounds like the best thing
that way neither of us is fucked up

and we're not stuck thinking about it until the end of the month either

That sounds best.

I don't actually want to seduce you right now. In case that wasn't clear.
But can I put Hierophant in you tonight anyway? Not for. Not for anything like that.

Just so I know where you are. That you're okay.

to really know if i'm ok, you mean
you want to listen to my heart and stuff, right

i still get to move and everything?
you just want him with me?

Yeah. You can still move around. He won't fight you, he'll just.

Be there. To measure. He likes being able to put numbers to things. Both of is do.

then yeah
you can put him in me

i'd like that too i think
knowing he's there

can't promise i won't give him some numbers to measure though
y'know
just to keep him on his toes

Technically they'll be your toes.

I'm glad you're. You know.
Open to the idea of me hiding a stand inside you and doing amateur medical examinations to make myself feel secure. I recognise that it's kind of a lot to ask.

It means a lot to me.

i like it
it makes me feel safe too
and not alone

when he's inside me i think about that first time i let you do it
when you took the marker and drew where he was on my skin
and then i looked at myself and he was just
everywhere
and close to me

i like it when you're close to me

I like it, too. It's. I was happier than I'd ever been before, back then, most days. And sadder. And angrier. And more afraid. More of everything. And then when I'm close to you and Hierophant has all the numbers he needs to know that you're safe it's. Just the happy.

It's strange to think that I'll be looking back at a time when you didn't know that I loved you. It's strange to think that you ever could not know. It hasn't even been that long, but it's hard to imagine.

Or maybe you do know, this time around. I don't really understand how that works. At what point everything converges. When you stop being the Jotaro experiencing the changes and become the Jotaro who changes things.

IC Inbox | prismatica

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject