starmark | IC Inbox | rubycity_rp

well shit jotaro next time you go out take me

[Both because he wants to be around if Jotaro is in trouble and because he could do with a good fight.]

you mean romantically?

[OKAY NO HE'LL BE SERIOUS IN A MINUTE BUT FOR NOW: FUCKING WITH PEOPLE]

yes
take me to see wendingos thats my ideal date
i want our first time to be scored by the howls of man sized wolves

you did say you flirt like a werewolf earlier

...

i think maybe it'd be good to have someone else out there with me, though

when i go out

sometimes i just kind of

i wonder sometimes if i'm the monsters' monster, like. normal people are afraid of them, but they're all afraid of me.

well

i mean
sure they're afraid of you you're fucking deadly when you want to be
but they SHOULD be afraid because they're MONSTERS

like dont start on how maybe you're a monster inside because you're good at beating people up
for crissake jotaro youre the best person i know
youre not going around beating up people for money

is this something you worry about?

sort of?

dio's afraid of me

little kid dio i mean, i'm his monster the way that he was ours

and that kind of fucks me up a little but it's not like i feel bad about what i did because i don't, and i'd do it again

it's just not as black and white as it used to be anymore i guess

yeah
believe me i know that
he wont come near me without looking at me like im going to kill him
giorno came with him one day and he still looked ready to bolt

but look
youre not a bad person
and youre careful about what you do
if you pointed out somebody on the street and said, "hey, beat them up" id do it in a second because i trust you that much
does that make sense?
you have a good sense of morality
youre a good person

yeah giorno keeps tabs on him because i can't

i mean it's stupid because he's just some dumb little kid but i still

thanks, polnareff

hes a dumb kid but he's a kid
but hes also the fucker who did all that shit to us

why giorno anyway
i mean is it just the age thing?

because it has to be someone i'd trust with my life

and it can't be kakyoin because i can't shove dio off onto kakyoin and still be able to sleep at night

[That makes sense, and so once again, the familial question of Dio and Giorno slides past, unnoticed.]

im not saying hes not trustworthy because i really like the kid
but what happened in six months that you trust giorno with your life?

...remember how you said that giorno is like your little brother, and i said that was funny because he's like mine too

there's a reason why he and i are like that

giorno knows about star platinum. more than just knows about him, he's seen me use it. we sparred once and he can keep up with me. there are a lot of things that giorno understands that a lot of people just...can't. not from not wanting to try or anything but just because...

okay

giorno understands me the way that you and kakyoin understand each other when it comes to mind control. it's not like i'm not your friend or i don't care or i don't want to understand, but i haven't been there, in those shoes, so it's not the same for me. you guys both get that in a way that i can't get that.

there are things that giorno and i get each other about that other people can't get.

...

one of those things is "being similar to dio".

...

when i met giorno here, i knew more about his father than he did, because all he'd ever had was a picture and a name, but i had fought him. you and i fought him. you and i killed him in cairo.

and every single time someone shows up, it seems like, he and i have to

he didn't ask for dio to be his father any more than i asked for his power to stop time, but here we are and that's what we live with. so i protect him from the fallout as much as i can. i keep that secret for him when it needs to be kept because that's what you do for family. and sometimes i do the hard things for him because he can't, just like he does things i can't do for me.

la nostra famiglia è un cerchio di sostegno. it means "our family is a circle of support."

that's what happened.

we've supported each other so many times that we might as well just be a circle, sometimes you can't even tell where he ends and where i begin.

[There isn't a reply. Not for a long while, anyway, because it's just too much all at once.

Dio can't have children. That's Polnareff's first thought, so loud and harsh it drowns out anything else. Dio can't have children. It's impossible. Wasn't he just today thinking about those piles of bodies Dio had left around his mansion; girls lured in and fucked and then sucked dry, bled out and left to rot. So-- what, he let one go? Just decided that she wasn't worth eating, and that was that? No, he thinks, his lip curling, but of course it's possible. Dio might have wanted a legacy, and he can well imagine that.

The real reason he thinks no is simply: it's too normal. Dio-- vampire, murderer, manipulator, rapist of mind and quite probably body, Dio, who is responsible for half his friends dying, who has killed thousands-- cannot have something so ordinary as a child. He cannot be a father, he cannot be anything close to human.

And even if he is-- god, even if he is, how can what he produced be Giorno? Giorno, who cried because he was given a teddy bear, who jumps into Polnareff's arms and does his hair every morning and pouts when he's told pudding isn't the best? Giorno is about as threatening as a cat-- and how can he be the one Dio spawned? It's as if Jotaro had mentioned Dio was his father; it simply does not add up.

And yet, and yet-- Japanese and English. So-- what, Giorno's mother was Japanese, and moved to Italy, and had Giorno there, and then about five years later they all came and killed Dio and that was that. Had Giorno known? Had he and his mother mourned? Did they know what Dio was, or had he pretended to them, charmed them, just as he did Kakyoin and Polnareff?

Because now Polnareff thinks, too, of Giorno escorting Dio around the city. Two blond heads, bobbing into view, one carefully watching the other, keeping him safe, mitigating his fear as tactfully as he can. Does he care about Dio? Does he look at him and think my father, or does he know?

He must know. He must, Jotaro wouldn't have kept that from him. But this is all too much, and he can't-- there are some things you can't do over text.]

where are you

[The truth is, he's not altogether surprised when that's the response he gets back. It's not the first time a texting exchange of theirs has abruptly come to a jarring halt at the revelation of some new and vital information. It probably won't be the last.

The question is, what's waiting on the other side of this? Anger? Sadness? Frustration? Betrayal? Desperation?

He could never take sides between Giorno and Polnareff. There are some things he just can't possibly take sides on — this isn't the first of them he's faced here in this city, either.

That's what happens when you love everyone involved.

What a difference it is from the way he'd felt in those early days of knowing Giorno, when he'd felt empty and alone and disconnected no matter what he did, no matter what motions he'd gone through to try to pretend like he was normal.

How fortunate he is, to be faced with a problem like this — the kind of problem with its foundations in connection and affection, that he never had to worry about in the first place before.]

i'll come to you

your room??

yeah

[The smell of cigarettes fill the air in Polnareff's room, though he's thrown open the window. Now, more than ever, he smokes them like a lifeline, inhaling the harsh taste, trying to focus entirely on the steady stream of nicotine, of the bitter taste filling his mouth.

He sits up when Jotaro comes in, making room for him without a word.]

[That's easy enough. He's there in no time — well, no, he's there in some time, but a very slight amount of some time, which is an important distinction to be made for a person who quite literally could've been there in no time at all if he'd really wanted.

As it is, he comes through the door and shuts it behind him, moving over to fall in next to Polnareff but without reaching for him, not yet. Better to let Polnareff set the pace, and just support until he's given his cues to do otherwise. Polnareff is the one who's hurt here, so the first order of business is to take care of him.]

...You and I are a circle too, Polnareff.

[Yes, and the answer rises instantaneously within him, just as it had been before. Yes, because he will always be there for Jotaro, Jotaro will always be there for him, there's no question, no hesitation--

And yet right now, the yes comes with a hot tinge of hurt. Yes, and yet his stomach curls, and he grips his cigarette harder.

Polnareff, always the last to know. It had happened with Avdol, but he'd been so happy to see him that he hadn't had time to nurse his hurt. And here-- well, Polnareff knows why Jotaro hadn't told him immediately. It's Giorno's secret, and Jotaro values privacy, he knows the weight of secrets, of family lineage. It wasn't entirely his secret to say-- and yet here's Polnareff, three weeks later, only just catching up on what everyone else already knows.]

Yeah?

[It's a request for assurance, quiet and childish and immediately regretted. Polnareff glances away, ears red-- stupid, he thinks, and sucks at his cigarette.]

Giorno knows that we killed him, then. That we killed his father.

[He looks up silently for a moment — up, because despite their difference in heights he's naturally slouching in solidarity, holding himself low and unobtrusive and steady — and regards Polnareff as he looks away, the heat under his skin, and —

this is bullshit, jotaro, i feel betrayed
i know, that's why it's the worst part
so i just have to deal with it? i hate this emotion

— and before he can think better of it, he makes the circle more tangible, more visible; he reaches for the cigarette and plucks it from Polnareff's mouth, just long enough to take a drag on it himself before offering it back.

Around and around, like Hamon in the blood. Everything is circles, everything important.]

Yeah.

[He lets a beat pass, and then —]

You're the thing we had in common, the night we first met him. You were the very first bridge between us.

[It happens so fast he doesn't have time to react-- just Jotaro, taking his cigarette, inhaling without missing a beat, and handing it back. Like it's nothing. Like they do it all the time-- which they do, actually, easily and without comment. He reaches for it, takes it, puts it back in his mouth-- and then offers a weak sort of smile. It doesn't last, but it's there, and it's meant for Jotaro.]

I don't even know him.

[And then, because that's not fair--]

Not the way he knows me. He looks at me like I'm-- I'm somebody, I'm his famiglia, and here I only just found out who his father is. I just found out, Jotaro, and--

[It's hard to vocalize everything swirling through his head. It isn't usually; usually he just blurts out whatever he's thinking, angry or sad or happy-- but there's too much, too many threads to follow, too many ways he's being torn.]

What did he tell you, when he met you.

Edited 2016-04-04 03:22 (UTC)

...Giorno had a monster he had to fight, too. The same way we did. In a group, just like ours, with casualties just like us.

[You yelled for Narancia, the first time I used it.

Stopped time, erased time — either way, how could anyone ever hope to stand a chance against anything like that, a horror like that?]

He told us you helped him kill that guy. So I guess in the future you're a lot of people's hero, not just mine.

[FRIENDS DON'T TELL FRIENDS THEY END UP BEING TURNED INTO TURTLES.]

Then we were talking, and I fucked up. I was talking about how important you were. How you were with me to the very end. I got careless in how I said it, and he figured out that Kakyoin was dead.

...Giorno has this thing about taking responsibility for the people he cares about. Sometimes for things that shouldn't have to be his responsibility, but he makes them his anyway. I'm sitting there talking about how I killed his dad, I fuck up and out Kakyoin to him, we're this huge fucking mess, and he goes — "Nobody here has done anything that needs apologizing for."

He doesn't make apologies for what Dio did to us. Doesn't try to justify it. He knows his dad's an asshole. But I think he needs to understand him, too, or else...how is he ever going to really know himself, if he doesn't know anything about where he came from, you know? Famiglia.

[He shifts a little, leaning his weight against Polnareff just enough for him to feel that it's there, the solidity of his presence at his side.]

He had to tell Jonathan, Polnareff. The guy whose body Dio stole, that he used to have him? Jonathan was here. He had to look at Jonathan and tell him hey, here's what happened to your body after you died, by the way I'm your son too.

I...

[...]

There's no good way to tell anybody. We've done it a half-dozen times and never gotten it right yet. I'm sorry. Whatever you need to say or do or...whatever...I'm here. Okay?

[He's so tired sometimes. It's all such a fucking mess, and it shouldn't be. They killed the monster, and now they ought to all get to go home and live happily ever after-- except of course it didn't work out like that, not even at home. Kakyoin and Avdol fucking died trying to kill Dio, and never mind he was resurrected-- he still died, they still lost him. And all this shit is still going on, despite the fact by all rights it oughtn't. It just-- it never ends, no matter what they do. Maybe it never will end; maybe they'll all be dealing with this for the rest of their lives.

You're a lot of people's heroes, and he's so caught up in that he almost misses the end of it. Not just mine, and he glances over at Jotaro so fast he nearly hurts himself. And Jotaro--

God, he looks so tired. He's only eighteen, and yet he looks so much older right now, staring back up at Polnareff, ready to accept whatever's thrown his way. If Polnareff feels tired-- and he does, immensely so-- Jotaro must be exhausted.

He leans back against him, shoulder to shoulder, and offers his cigarette.]

You didn't tell me.

[A fact, plainly stated.]

But . . . not out of malice. Because it wasn't your secret to tell, not entirely. Because I would have fought Giorno if that was the first thing I'd known about him. And that wouldn't be fair, not to him or you or me.

[He shoots him another smile. It's stronger than the first, still cracked and exhausted and sad, but entirely genuine.]

Is there . . . you don't have to tell me specifics. But is there anything else left for me to find out?

[He's glad for the offer, honestly; even as he takes it, he's remembering again, and this time it's Bruno up on the house roof, asking him when he started, why he still does it. Smoking's a bad habit, Passione has strong feelings about drugs. Was he going to try to quit? He doesn't remember.

He takes a drag, long and slow, and offers it back again.]

I guess that's kind of the unspoken rule. If it's your secret, your information, then you get to control who knows it, who gets to tell it to who. What Dio did to you...that's yours. One of yours. If you don't want anybody to know it, then nobody will — that's how it works. You know?

[...But.]

There's more. I don't know the specifics, but there's some other stuff, yeah. Shit about the future, I guess.

[He nods. It's not a surprise, and he doesn't demand Jotaro tell him, much as he wants to. Whatever secrets there are, whatever's to come, he supposes he'll learn it when he does, if he does at all. Whatever other secrets the mansion holds, they none of them are things that will effect him-- or at least, not so drastically that Jotaro feels the need to tell him. So whatever comes in the future, at the very least, it will all end all right.

He takes the cigarette back. It tastes a little of Jotaro, which is such a familiar taste at this point so as not to really register. Jotaro, which means the taste of cigarettes and heat and a little bit of sweetness just at the end-- which is a strange thing to know about your friend, but there you have it.]

I'm glad you're here.

[He doesn't glance at him this time; just looks at the wall, idly. It's still plain white, and he thinks maybe he'll ask Jotaro later to help him paint.]

You're . . .

[How does he say this? Who else is there, he'd said earlier, and it'd been flippant, but it was also true. Famiglia, but that's Giorno's word.]

If we've got to go through all this shit, I'm glad you're the one I go through it with. And-- and I'm glad I can be here, now, for you.

...Sometimes it feels like I'm there for everybody.

[There's nothing contrary in the way he says it; he's not correcting Polnareff, evidently, in any capacity. The words come out too soft for that, too reserved, in a way that he usually isn't. It's the sort of tone of voice that sheds some light on his motives when he says I like to text because I don't have to worry about my face.

He spends a lot of time trying to make sure Giorno has the chance to feel like a kid, just a kid, just an average funny little kid. It's much rarer that he gets to be that himself, except in moments like this.

His family is a circle of support. Sometimes it's still so bewildering, to take his hands away from a load that he's bearing and find that it's still being held suspended, that other people's arms have been there to help encircle it all along.]

You get me, too, about something nobody else can. The understanding thing, I mean.

You were there with me, that night. He asked me if I was afraid, staring down all the knives he'd thrown at me in stopped time. There was no one there except me and him, no one else to hear what he said to me. Nothing but Star to defend me from whatever he did.

Except you. You were there. Maybe you thought I was dead, but I wasn't. I knew you were there.

[...]

I'm glad I wasn't alone, even if it was just for those few seconds. I don't know if it felt like it, but you made a difference. You made one to me.

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