starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

[It's a while before Jotaro starts to feel the itch to go under again; that's sort of normal, really, from what he's learned about himself over the course of...well, learning about himself like this. The collar and machine and going far away in his own mind, it's not something he necessarily needs or wants all the time. It's just something that's good on occasion, a rare treat like any other. Most of the time his collar stays safely boxed up in a low drawer on the nightstand, where Star can fetch it easily when he desires it but it isn't easy to stumble across unless one explicitly goes looking for it.

But he's had it on his mind, at the very least. Things he and Kakyoin had talked about during their last encounter, Kakyoin's budding fascination with testing control and experimenting with the role of leash-holder — he thinks about it. And the more he thinks about it, the more he considers that this might be another way in which they're compatible, just like they are in so many other things. It's just a matter of figuring it out first.

He comes home from work. He takes a thoughtful shower. He dons one of his few remaining T-shirts (thanks to his boyfriends stealing them all) and a loose pair of boxers, and wraps a bathrobe around himself while he goes to let his curls air-dry and wait for Kakyoin to get back from the library. Things like this don't work unless you talk about them; that's been true for boyfriends and for kinks alike. They'll have to talk about it. They should talk about it.

He wants to talk about it.

And so he waits, patiently, thinking and thinking and thinking, letting himself relax and wind down as the time ticks by slowly, and every passing minute brings Kakyoin a little closer to home.]

-no reason at all why it shouldn't work. There's no good reason for chroma-sensitive switches not to work with demichroma. It's ridiculous.

[ He's complaining furiously to himself before the door's even open, which is growing more and more common these days. Not because the work itself is getting any more difficult, but because he's hit the point in his learning where problems are no longer frequently being caused by his own lack of experience and instead are being caused by things out of his control. In this case, part manufacturers. He hands off his bag to Hierophant as he tries to get his shoes lined up just so.

But Jotaro is there, all warm and soft from the shower, and his complaining lowers into a soft, irritable grumbling as he flops onto the couch next to him. Less snapping, more comfortable irritation at something that only really matters a little. Nobody is going to die. It's nice, in its own way, to just fold himself into something that fits neatly and comfortably into the negative space left by Jotaro and be annoyed with something that won't really hurt anyone that much. ]

A whole day. I had to spend all day to figure out what was going wrong, and it's that they made a shoddy product. Assholes.

Sounds rough. What are you going to do about it?

[It's nice, the way they so instinctively gravitate toward each other by now, like parts of an atom working in tandem. Jotaro makes a space and Kakyoin naturally fills it. Kakyoin pulls like magnetism and Jotaro can't help but let himself be drawn into his angry noodle's orbit. His arm goes around his shoulders because it's comfortable and easy and familiar; he nuzzles against the side of Kakyoin's head because it's the quickest way to being closer, and that's what he wants most in the end.]

Buy better parts?

[ He slots in next to Jotaro like a furious little jigsaw piece, and the effects are instant. The anger leaves him like an electrical current or a chroma one, flowing into Jotaro and dissipating into a soft warmth. Inefficient. But comfortable. Pleasant. He huffs instead of snapping, hiding his face in Jotaro's neck and letting the worst of the irritation leave him. ]

Ugh, I'll probably have to. But I'm going to fuck with them first. They already don't work. May as well try breaking them on purpose, see if that makes them play along the way they should.

[ He sighs, and it's almost contented. Jotaro feels like clean, soft t-shirt and smells like soap and he's radiating the heat from the shower like he's gone out of his way to make himself the best thing in the world to hold onto and it's already getting harder and harder to be anything but performatively irritable. ]

You're warm.

You're a real bastard, you know that?

[It's uncanny, the way Jotaro can say real bastard the way some people say sweetheart or darling. But Kakyoin's snuggling now, burrowing into him about as close as he can get without actively being on top of him, and it won't be more than a few minutes before Jotaro scoops him up and actually puts him on top of him, but that can wait for a little while longer yet.]

You're cute.

[You're warm. You're cute. Like they're tangible, concrete facts of the universe. They just simply are.]

Mm. Something I wanted to ask you, but it can wait until you're not pissed off anymore.

I'm not that mad. Just- ugh. Now I have a class project that can't run off a battery, you have to be holding hands and touching it to make it work.

[ Why did he choose to study a field where he's always going to be relying on part manufacturers for everything? It's a pain. He doesn't do well with having to rely on people. On the other side of the room, Hierophant carefully takes items out of his bag one by one and puts them away.

But him? He doesn't feel like moving, now. He's exactly where he wants to be. ]

Might piss me off if you make me wait, though.

Guess I better not make you wait, then.

[He says, while mouthing kisses against Kakyoin's temple, while sliding his free hand over to lace their fingers together. While paying lip service to being prompt yet at the same time, making him wait.

Good thing he's good at judging his moment. Right as he gets toward the verge of testing Kakyoin's tolerance, he nips at his boyfriend's ear and then starts confessing.]

I want to try letting you do stuff to me. If you want to, I mean, but — I think you want to. You said you did, before.

As in- now?

[ Oh.

There were a lot of things it could have been - this was on the list, but so was ‘so that show you’re not interested in, are you going to feel left out if I watch it with Adrian?’. So was ‘Marina keeps asking me to catch octopuses, should I be concerned?’. So he knew it might be something like this, but it’s still not like he was ready for it. And that’s the only real excuse he has for sounding so stupid and caught off-guard. ]

I mean. I want to. It would be nice. I’d have to get changed first.

It doesn't have to be right now.

[It could be, and from the sounds of it maybe it will be, but it's just as important to make himself understood as it is to get caught up in the thrill of the subject at hand, and so he gives Kakyoin's fingers a squeeze where they're fitted through his own, and draws in a slow breath of consideration.]

But maybe we could talk about it. Figure some of it out, I mean.

[He pauses, chewing the corner of his lip.]

You've thought about it, I know, but. How much have you thought about it?

[ He gives a soft hum, reattaching to Jotaro after parting just slightly before. If he doesn't have to move to get changed for a while he's going to stay here, against his boyfriend, all warm and soft. ]

I know better than to plan it out entirely. You'd fuck it up just to mess with me if I did. But- I've thought about the broad strokes. I want-

[ He takes a deep breath. It's not like it's difficult to talk to Jotaro about these things, Jotaro isn't going to say that it's disgusting and shun him, at worst he's just not going to be into it, but it's still a little more vulnerability than he's used to. ]

-we talked about it before. About fighting, remember? I want that- so it's different from what you and Adrian do. I want it to be like I fought you and won and- you know. I thought I could do my face, put up my hair in a way that lets you smear it and mess it up. Wear something that'll tear if you grab it. So you have something you can ruin to piss me off.

Haha. I'm that transparent, huh?

[Ah, good, a cuddly boyfriend. These are a few of his favorite things: having Kakyoin snuggled up against him, and getting to pull him close and touch him however he pleases as a result of it.

Of course, at the mention of the scenario Kakyoin describes, he can't help but shiver with a touch of — something. Excitement? Arousal? Certainly a positive tremor, across the board.]

You want me to be your prize. To win and — then, y'know. To the victor go the spoils. You're the victor, and I'm the spoils.

Predictable. Sooner or later you'll have to start behaving yourself just to catch me off-guard.

[ It doesn't feel like a shudder of fear or disgust. That's a relief. He knew better than to expect either, but knowing better doesn't always mean it works that way emotionally. ]

Yeah. All mine, to do as I like with. [ He nuzzles into Jotaro's neck as he speaks, kissing over Adrian's latest set of bite marks. ] You'd be okay with that, right? And Star would still step in if I went too far?

That'd be pretty unexpected of me, wouldn't it. But maybe I just act out 'cause I like it...when somebody else makes me behave.

[His eyes fall halfway closed as Kakyoin's kisses start to land where his neck is sensitive, the wounds still recent but not fresh or raw. It feels so good to have the echoes of both his boyfriends in the same place, in moments like this. The memory of Adrian's teeth tangles up with the softness of Kakyoin's mouth, and the feeling settles in his chest to make a nest there.]

Yeah. Star's getting the hang of this kind of thing. He knows the difference between danger and...uh, overwhelmed, I guess. He'd stop you, but he wouldn't hurt you.

I'm not worried about him hurting me.

[ There's another half to that statement, one that doesn't really need to be said by now. I'm worried about him letting me hurt you. Which is stupid, on the face of it. Star has always acted to preserve Jotaro's wellbeing. Always.

But then, Jotaro would rather be hurt than let him be hurt. And he

(star never hurt him. star never had to be forced to hurt him for the sake of survival, alone on a street in cairo. the battle was short and brutal, seconds that could have been hours rather than minutes that could have been days)

he has no evidence that Star would allow Jotaro to be hurt. But he worries. Because if there was ever something that would make Star allow it, it would be him. He pauses for a moment, caught off guard by half-remembering something that wasn't real, then pushes Jotaro back into the couch so he can move closer, halfway curled in his lap and halfway lying on top of him. ]

I'll stop if he shows up at all, just to be on the safe side. It's a shame to have to leave him out, but there'll always be other times.

He's gonna get sulky about being the signal I always use, one of these days.

[But Jotaro's chuckle is warm, despite it, and it's reflexive the way he wraps Kakyoin up in his arms and snuggles him close, keeping him right where he belongs. A little selfishly, he tries to coax Kakyoin's mouth back to his neck once they're done shifting positions, wanting the attention but shy about outright asking for it.]

But it'd go along with the...uh, the game, I guess. You know, you beating me, and. And then Star disappears, and it's just me, and I'm yours now.

[It feels...transgressive. Just the thought of it makes something curl up in the pit of his stomach, a slender thread of interest that makes him have to swallow and bite his lip.]

It's not too much like saying "good boy", is it, if I'm your prize and not your boyfriend?

You could be the signal, some time. If he'd want that.

[ He considers that for a moment, closing his eyes and nuzzling at Jotaro's neck to try to find the bite marks by touch to kiss them again. It's a strange image, but it's hard to say it isn't appealing. It's nice, letting his weight sink into Jotaro. Feels correct. ]

I don't think so. You're- you're still the same as me, this way. That's why- the fighting part's important, I think. It makes us more the same.

He does. He loves you.

[There's no clarification of that, either — no, "he does because I do", no elaboration on how Jotaro knows it. He doesn't need to. Of course Star loves Kakyoin; it's such a given that it seems absurd to think that there could ever be any doubt of it.]

Mm. So what were you thinking, broad strokes? Are you going to make me beg?

I know he does. Then, next time you can be the signal for him.

[ He thinks on the question, turning the concept over in his head to try to figure out what he does want. ]

I don't think so. I think- I don't want you to not want it. More that it's something inevitable, and you're trying to stall. I want you to- maybe once you get off, that means you've lost. So it's not that you don't want to get off, you just still want to try to hang in there and fight and win, even though it's hopeless. And maybe- maybe every now and then I'll leave a tendril loose, so you can pull free and mess with me before I catch you again.

[ He doesn't sound ashamed or cautious when he interrupts himself, opening his eyes to meet Jotaro's. More genuinely curious. Like he can be wrong and it won't matter, he just won't do what he's wrong about. It's a new experience. ]

That isn't- that's not too fucked up, is it? It sounds a little fucked up. 'I want to put you in sexy peril'.

[Okay, so...so not losing like he's lost something, not losing like he's surrendered. Kakyoin wants him to lose like they've been playing a game and there has to be a victor, and this time it simply isn't him. That's good to know, and it makes sense. It's important especially for him to know, he muses, because the act of submission is largely all the same in the end, but the path to getting there can vary wildly, and that's Kakyoin's half of it all.

So he hums, appreciative, and gives Kakyoin a little squeeze even as he glances over at him.]

You want to catch me.

[Plot, snare, bind, possess — he can see all the trappings of it in what Kakyoin describes.]

You don't want me to lose a fight, you want me to lose a chase. You want me to play keep-away, until you can outsmart me and win. That's really what it is, isn't it?

That's- yeah.

[ He blinks, a little surprised, as Jotaro takes all those words and condenses them into something simple and understandable and not that fucked-up sounding. Catch. That's it.

When he buries his face back against his neck, it's with a long sigh of air over those bite marks. ]

You're good at this, you know. At figuring out what I'm trying to say when I'm using altogether too many words for it. You make everything sound so much less complicated than it feels.

Like you're not just as good at it, yourself. You figure me out when I can't say anything at all.

[He makes a happy sound, delighted at the feeling of Kakyoin tucked close, and at the triumph of having gotten his conclusion confirmed on top of it.]

That's just like you, though. You want us to both want it, but you want to have to work for it anyway.

Of course I want to work for it. I like it when I have to make you behave.

[ He says it with a kiss, and kicks his legs up and down contentedly. Like he's incredibly pleased with himself for being able to repeat that line back. Which he is. ]

I want to have to fight for you at least a little. It makes it all feel- more real, I suppose. Like I worked for it, so I can't lose you.

Mm. Because if you didn't work for it, then you don't know how to keep it. And if you don't know how to keep it...

[He lets the thought hang, focusing instead on holding Kakyoin snugly even as he wriggles around in his delight.]

I, uh. I like the thought that I'm worth it. Y'know...fighting for.

Are you going to be a bastard about it if I tell you that you are?

[ Jotaro's probably familiar, by now, with the various expressions that someone can make while biting his neck. Even when it's just pressure from blunt teeth. If there's any perceivable difference between biting and biting with a stupid too-wide grin, he's probably the person best suited to noticing it.

His kicking slows, after a moment. He falls back into Jotaro's embrace. Kisses where he just bit, and then upward to the place where neck ends and hair starts. ]

I'm ready to fight over a lot of stupid things. But you're- you know. Different. There aren't many things I'd fight for because I want them. Usually I just want to win, to prove that I can.

You're worth fighting for. Not just proving myself better for.

I won't be a bastard this time. Just this once.

[Certainly not when his throat is otherwise occupied with the thin noise escaping it, a ragged whimper as he inclines his head to the side to better invite the attention. It doesn't seem possible, somehow, to be as happy as he is in that very moment. It doesn't seem possible that he's gotten this lucky, or been this good.]

But I promise I'll make you want me. I'll make you want me so much, and then I'll make you earn it. Promise.

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hierophany - 2021-05-26 23:58 (UTC) - Expand

IC Inbox | prismatica

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