starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

I'm not worried about him hurting me.

[ There's another half to that statement, one that doesn't really need to be said by now. I'm worried about him letting me hurt you. Which is stupid, on the face of it. Star has always acted to preserve Jotaro's wellbeing. Always.

But then, Jotaro would rather be hurt than let him be hurt. And he

(star never hurt him. star never had to be forced to hurt him for the sake of survival, alone on a street in cairo. the battle was short and brutal, seconds that could have been hours rather than minutes that could have been days)

he has no evidence that Star would allow Jotaro to be hurt. But he worries. Because if there was ever something that would make Star allow it, it would be him. He pauses for a moment, caught off guard by half-remembering something that wasn't real, then pushes Jotaro back into the couch so he can move closer, halfway curled in his lap and halfway lying on top of him. ]

I'll stop if he shows up at all, just to be on the safe side. It's a shame to have to leave him out, but there'll always be other times.

He's gonna get sulky about being the signal I always use, one of these days.

[But Jotaro's chuckle is warm, despite it, and it's reflexive the way he wraps Kakyoin up in his arms and snuggles him close, keeping him right where he belongs. A little selfishly, he tries to coax Kakyoin's mouth back to his neck once they're done shifting positions, wanting the attention but shy about outright asking for it.]

But it'd go along with the...uh, the game, I guess. You know, you beating me, and. And then Star disappears, and it's just me, and I'm yours now.

[It feels...transgressive. Just the thought of it makes something curl up in the pit of his stomach, a slender thread of interest that makes him have to swallow and bite his lip.]

It's not too much like saying "good boy", is it, if I'm your prize and not your boyfriend?

You could be the signal, some time. If he'd want that.

[ He considers that for a moment, closing his eyes and nuzzling at Jotaro's neck to try to find the bite marks by touch to kiss them again. It's a strange image, but it's hard to say it isn't appealing. It's nice, letting his weight sink into Jotaro. Feels correct. ]

I don't think so. You're- you're still the same as me, this way. That's why- the fighting part's important, I think. It makes us more the same.

He does. He loves you.

[There's no clarification of that, either — no, "he does because I do", no elaboration on how Jotaro knows it. He doesn't need to. Of course Star loves Kakyoin; it's such a given that it seems absurd to think that there could ever be any doubt of it.]

Mm. So what were you thinking, broad strokes? Are you going to make me beg?

I know he does. Then, next time you can be the signal for him.

[ He thinks on the question, turning the concept over in his head to try to figure out what he does want. ]

I don't think so. I think- I don't want you to not want it. More that it's something inevitable, and you're trying to stall. I want you to- maybe once you get off, that means you've lost. So it's not that you don't want to get off, you just still want to try to hang in there and fight and win, even though it's hopeless. And maybe- maybe every now and then I'll leave a tendril loose, so you can pull free and mess with me before I catch you again.

[ He doesn't sound ashamed or cautious when he interrupts himself, opening his eyes to meet Jotaro's. More genuinely curious. Like he can be wrong and it won't matter, he just won't do what he's wrong about. It's a new experience. ]

That isn't- that's not too fucked up, is it? It sounds a little fucked up. 'I want to put you in sexy peril'.

[Okay, so...so not losing like he's lost something, not losing like he's surrendered. Kakyoin wants him to lose like they've been playing a game and there has to be a victor, and this time it simply isn't him. That's good to know, and it makes sense. It's important especially for him to know, he muses, because the act of submission is largely all the same in the end, but the path to getting there can vary wildly, and that's Kakyoin's half of it all.

So he hums, appreciative, and gives Kakyoin a little squeeze even as he glances over at him.]

You want to catch me.

[Plot, snare, bind, possess — he can see all the trappings of it in what Kakyoin describes.]

You don't want me to lose a fight, you want me to lose a chase. You want me to play keep-away, until you can outsmart me and win. That's really what it is, isn't it?

That's- yeah.

[ He blinks, a little surprised, as Jotaro takes all those words and condenses them into something simple and understandable and not that fucked-up sounding. Catch. That's it.

When he buries his face back against his neck, it's with a long sigh of air over those bite marks. ]

You're good at this, you know. At figuring out what I'm trying to say when I'm using altogether too many words for it. You make everything sound so much less complicated than it feels.

Like you're not just as good at it, yourself. You figure me out when I can't say anything at all.

[He makes a happy sound, delighted at the feeling of Kakyoin tucked close, and at the triumph of having gotten his conclusion confirmed on top of it.]

That's just like you, though. You want us to both want it, but you want to have to work for it anyway.

Of course I want to work for it. I like it when I have to make you behave.

[ He says it with a kiss, and kicks his legs up and down contentedly. Like he's incredibly pleased with himself for being able to repeat that line back. Which he is. ]

I want to have to fight for you at least a little. It makes it all feel- more real, I suppose. Like I worked for it, so I can't lose you.

Mm. Because if you didn't work for it, then you don't know how to keep it. And if you don't know how to keep it...

[He lets the thought hang, focusing instead on holding Kakyoin snugly even as he wriggles around in his delight.]

I, uh. I like the thought that I'm worth it. Y'know...fighting for.

Are you going to be a bastard about it if I tell you that you are?

[ Jotaro's probably familiar, by now, with the various expressions that someone can make while biting his neck. Even when it's just pressure from blunt teeth. If there's any perceivable difference between biting and biting with a stupid too-wide grin, he's probably the person best suited to noticing it.

His kicking slows, after a moment. He falls back into Jotaro's embrace. Kisses where he just bit, and then upward to the place where neck ends and hair starts. ]

I'm ready to fight over a lot of stupid things. But you're- you know. Different. There aren't many things I'd fight for because I want them. Usually I just want to win, to prove that I can.

You're worth fighting for. Not just proving myself better for.

I won't be a bastard this time. Just this once.

[Certainly not when his throat is otherwise occupied with the thin noise escaping it, a ragged whimper as he inclines his head to the side to better invite the attention. It doesn't seem possible, somehow, to be as happy as he is in that very moment. It doesn't seem possible that he's gotten this lucky, or been this good.]

But I promise I'll make you want me. I'll make you want me so much, and then I'll make you earn it. Promise.

[ There are probably moments that mean more, strictly speaking. That he'll remember more distinctly later on, because he knows he'll remember more of this as a pleasant haze and a more accurate knowledge of where to put his mouth and his teeth in order to make Jotaro make those quiet, breathy whimpers. But this is- probably what he always wanted, far more than anything that might be more memorable. The meaningless parts. The parts he'd never think to fake. ]

Do really you think I can want you more?

[ He slides a hand slowly up Jotaro's t-shirt as the kisses fall once or twice more at his hairline. Just far enough to stroke back and forth over his side. It's slow and calculated.]

Then make me.

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