starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

[ The more he gets used to sleeping next to (on) Jotaro, the more that Hierophant spreads out from him, curling itself contentedly around limbs and fingers and whatever else it can coil itself around. Occasionally rearranging Jotaro’s arms around him. Sometimes dragging everyone around so he’s trapped between Adrian and Jotaro.

It’s not him doing it, obviously. He’s asleep for the whole thing. It’s Hierophant.

So far tonight there’s been nothing curling around anyone. It’s a dead giveaway that he’s not asleep, just lying very, very still. ]

Jotaro?

[How the hell did he ever get so lucky, he wonders, sometimes. How could he ever have gotten so lucky, that not only is Kakyoin here and alive and breathing and cuddled up close in his arms, but in fact he's got two boyfriends to feel that way about, and he loves them, and they...maybe...probably love each other or at least like each other enough to put up with moments like this, and there's no Dio and they're all just warm and happy and safe.

There was a time once when he really didn't think he got to feel like this.

So he's not altogether surprised that Kakyoin isn't sleeping, in part because of Hierophant's absence and in part because he knows the difference between Kakyoin's asleep breathing and his awake-but-faking-it breathing, and so he's been lying awake and not saying anything too, just trying to be ready for when conversation inevitably began.]

Yeah?

[He leans his head forward, kissing the back of Kakyoin's neck.]

Mmmm. Hi.

Hi.

[ It is Hierophant, that pulls everyone in closer while Kakyoin is asleep. Truthfully, it is.

But that doesn’t mean there aren’t shades of it visible in Kakyoin. He has to get it from somewhere. Hierophant reaches out until it touches something and then curls tightly around it, attaching. Kakyoin lies against Jotaro until he’s touched, then grabs at whoever body part belonging to whoever touched him and attaches. In this case he rolls onto his front and reaches up to slip his arms between Jotaro’s neck and the pillow. ]

What you said. About showing you on my own terms, before this place does something stupid. I’m ready.

[ Probably. Just about. ]

...You are, huh.

[It's not skepticism; it's just affirmation, as he settles his arms around Kakyoin naturally when he moves to change the way they're cuddling, and lets him set the positioning and pace before holding him close when he's finished.]

Then I'm ready to see it.

[He raises his head a little, kissing the tip of Kakyoin's nose before giving his waist a squeeze.]

But I'm warm, so you better not try to run off and throw up, because I won't let you leave. It'd be too cold, without you.

Don’t worry, I’ll throw up here.

[ Which is exactly what you want someone to say as they twist their head to kiss you. He holds the kiss for a few seconds before drawing back, putting both hands on Jotaro’s chest to push himself up. Hierophant holds the covers in place, so that they pull off his own shoulders as he moves rather than away from Adrian.

After some slow, careful movement, he’s about as he was before, just before the topic first came up. Knees either side of Jotaro’s torso. ]

Can you even see right now, without the light on?

[ Well. Star probably can, even if Jotaro can’t. And maybe it’s better to not immediately have to address the fact that light shines through him like stained glass. ]

Good. Just so we've got that straight.

[HOW DO THEY EXIST BEING SO DISGUSTING but regardless, he automatically tips his head to the side as they rearrange themselves, checking on Adrian with an expression that doesn't mean to be as adoring as it winds up being — taking in the spill of his golden hair, the way he's finally allowing himself a few indulgent moments of rest amid...whatever it is he's been working on lately.

It's reassuring to have him there, close at hand. It feels right to know he's warm beneath the covers with them, even as they settle up on this outstanding debt amongst themselves.]

Let me just feel you first. We'll go slow. Worry about light in a minute.

[ There’s no pang of jealousy. That’s new. Pleasant. Freeing. At first he’d been happy that Adrian was here in a dramatic self-sacrificing way. Then he’d realised that he couldn’t out-dramatically self-sacrifice Adrian and had been awkwardly resigned to his presence instead.

And he’d decided that he would love him, and so that’s what he’s doing.

Loving him is still an active thing, a thing he has to make an effort to do where loving Jotaro just happens, but that makes it precious in itself. He has a thing that he has to do right, and he intends to succeed. ]

Okay. Let me-

[ He unbuttons his pajama top slowly, apprehensive, then shrugs it off. That in itself is a little intimidating, because he’s suffering from no delusions at all that he is not the boniest of the three of them. Then the little strip of fake skin peels away.

It’s visible, a little, even in the dark. Not entirely, but he’s pale and the scar is darker and the contrast makes it clear where it is. He reaches out. ]

Give me your hand?

I can't believe I'm this lucky.

[They're both being soft in the way they speak, as much because the darkness is a time for hushed tones as so that they can be careful not to disturb Adrian's slumber, but he can't not say something about the way Kakyoin looks as he slowly undoes his top in the world's least intentionally sexy striptease.

He'd already be touching him by now, if he were left to his own devices. But this is Kakyoin's show, and so he stays still and obedient until he's told to move, and only then does he pick up his hand and move it to weave his fingers through Kakyoin's.]

I can't believe you're really mine. Holy shit.

[ Is Jotaro really going to say these kind of things every time he takes off his clothes? All signs so far point to ‘yes’, which means that he really ought to get used to it and stop letting the words bubble around under his skin until his head feels light.

Except that it feels nice to let them do that. Except that it makes him feel loved. Wanted. Seen and not just accepted but desired despite everything. ]

I’m yours because I want to be. Not because you’re lucky.

[ It has a tone of a complaint but none of the bite of one, and he curls his fingers around Jotaro’s as he says it and then lifts. Brings Jotaro’s hand toward him until the heel of his palm touches crystal. ]

It’s weird.

[ It doesn’t sound defensive, but it’s spoken defensively. He says it before anyone else can, so there’s no sense in Jotaro pointing it out himself. ]

I'm lucky you want to be mine, then. Still counts.

[He knows, vaguely, what he's in for when his hand is guided to the scarring that pockmarks Kakyoin's abdomen; he remembers the eerie smoothness that runs into a rough ridged edge where flesh begins again. And that's precisely what he feels when his hand moves there now, only this time they're not going to linger on touch alone. This time he's going to see it, too.]

You shoved Hierophant down my throat and noodled him around between my muscle fibers. That was weird.

[He moves his hand a little, looking for that ridge of tough skin again, wanting to stimulate it with his fingertips once he comes across it so that Kakyoin can better feel his touch.]

It...goes all the way through, yeah...?

That's normal. [ He says, without even a shred of irony. ] That's how he's supposed to work. It's normal.

[ The numb pressure of Jotaro's touch becames a slightly less numb pressure as his fingertips run up a thread of real scar tissue to the edges of the crystal. It's still distant through the thicker skin, but there are at least nerve endings at all. And it's better to have some proof that Jotaro is here, that Jotaro is touching him, than none at all. ]

Yeah. It's- you can't throw up either. You're lying in your back. You'll choke.

I'm not gonna throw up. M'just gonna look at you.

[It aches, almost, from how badly he wants to make Kakyoin feel good right now. The warm weight of him pressing him down into the mattress feels satisfying and comfortable; it's all he can think of, that Kakyoin should feel just as safe as he does from the way that they're twined together.

Leaving one hand on Kakyoin's hip, the other abandons the strange crystal mass for a second to skim up his torso instead, seeking out one of his nipples by touch and thumbing at it gently.

It's not an attempt at escalating into anything, not really; it's just a small means of trying to set Kakyoin at ease, and offset some of his anxieties with tangible pleasure instead.]

I'm gonna look now. Okay?

[ There's an absence, when Jotaro touches him. No little encouraging noise, the kind that he's getting good at making sound like accidental little things that slip out of him despite his best efforts. Which they still are except for when they're entirely deliberate. But his body relaxes into the touch in a way it didn't when it was over the scar. Sinks slightly on the side that Jotaro's touching. He breathes out slowly but so deeply that it feels like every part of him but the crystal scar is collapsed in on itself, that it's just bulging out of him like a live rat eaten by a snake and waiting to die.

(Noriaki "Good at choosing sexy metaphors" Kakyoin) ]

Yeah, okay.

[ In the dark, the scar is an almost-round glassy thing with ragged edges. Little threads of scar tissue grow into it like a tree's roots in reverse. Like the crystal is the blank slate and Kakyoin is the thing that grew out of it. Like Hierophant is the man-shaped thing and Kakyoin is the thing spreading tendrils over it.

In the light, through, or maybe through Star's eyes, it's translucent. There are things behind it, insects trapped in amber. A spine, not quite visible from the front. Blood vessels. Some of a stomach and some intestine, moving slightly as they work at the unpleasant, thankless task of being part of Noriaki Kakyoin. Tiny gaps in the mess of organs where light filters through. ]

[It's about the size of a fist. Actually, it's not even "about" — it's exactly the size of Star's fist, and this hole is exactly like the one he'd driven through the belly of The World the very first time Dio had the mistake of getting too close. Part of him wants to tell Kakyoin that, wants to remind him how he punched through The World and broke Dio's skull and doused him in gasoline and nearly set him on fire. Wants to make it clear, savagely, that they weren't just victims on the night of January 16th, that he hit back too, that he made sure Dio hurt and screamed and bled for this.

But that's not what this should be about. Dio has no place in the middle of this. He doesn't deserve to be a part of it, even as a shadow of a memory. The ultimate blow is that he isn't here at all, that he's no longer worthy of notice. His significance has ended. He's useless.

So he looks instead at Kakyoin in the dim, at the stained-glass glow of organs suspended in green crystal, like an aquarium frozen in time.

It's ugly, and horrific, and it does make him want to throw up. But this is part of Kakyoin now, and that means something too.]

Polnareff would be so pissed at you.

[Emboldened, he skims his fingertips over the glassy green surface.]

Having a cool scar to impress girls with, and all.

Polnareff wouldn't-

[ He starts to speak and then catches himself because even now, even like this, he's not anxious enough to ever think that Polnareff wouldn't. ]

-he absolutely would pursue the kind of woman who would be impressed by an intestine-viewing window.

[ And he almost adds 'please take care of him', because- well. It's hard to not be a little morbid like this. But Jotaro isn't actually throwing up. Or screaming. He's not even really taking pity on him, just making conversation. They're just dunking on Polnareff, a completely normal activity. He reaches up to comb Jotaro's hair back with his fingers, away from his face. ]

It's not that I think that you wouldn't want me around because it's ugly. It's just nasty. I don't like to look at it. I don't want to make you look at it.

...It's pretty nasty.

[He's willing to concede that fact largely because it's true, and Kakyoin already said it so it's not like he's about to start a big stupid fight over it. This, too, adds normalcy to this moment they're building together. Like it's no different than any other scar they'd incurred and examined in the aftermath on their long road to Egypt.]

But I grow scales on my dick sometimes, so I don't think I really get to talk.

[He closes his eyes, but not to avert them from the crystal — no, just because the touch of Kakyoin's fingers running through his hair just felt too good to keep them open.]

Mm. Keep doing that.

Mm. But they're pretty scales.

[ Hierophant brings the little fake skin cover back to im and he considers it for a few seconds. But, truth be told, he'd rather just keep touching Jotaro than go to the effort of putting it back on. He's seen it now. He knows it's gross. He knows there's a part of him still locked in time, left behind in Dio's world. It can't catch him off-guard now. So maybe it's okay to be a little more careless.

He lowers himself back down, a little higher up on the bed than he had been before because he shuffled himself forward when he sat up. His head is level with Jotaro's instead of resting at his collarbone. If he moves a little to the side, his head might even touch the pillows. Which would be a first, because usually the bed itself is entirely irrelevant to him when he just sleeps on top of Jotaro. ]

I never- [ He combs his fingers through Jotaro's hair again, stretching his neck so he can kiss his forehead where he's just brushed away the curls. ] -never thought you wouldn't love me. Not because of this. You know that, right?

Oh.

[It's all he can think of to say, for a moment. Oh. Kakyoin never thought this horrible thing would be a stumbling block, and that makes him feel warm, brings a soft heat to his cheeks. But there's something more, Jotaro suspects, in the particulars of how Kakyoin chooses his words. Isn't there?

Because he doesn't say that the scars would make him unlovable. What he says is, I never thought you wouldn't love me.

You. Him. Jotaro.

It's not really about the scars at all, is it? It's about his belief in the way that Jotaro loves him, and realizing that feels good, too.]

I know now. Because you told me.

Good. I didn't want you to think- I never thought that you'd give up on me, because of something that someone else did. I'd have been afraid of that a long time ago. But not now. I know you better than that.

[ He keeps combing through Jotaro's hair as he speaks. And it's a good job that Adrian is both a deep sleeper and incredibly patient with him, because Hierophant is just rearranging him as if he thinks Adrian is his to arrange how he likes, pulling one of his arms so it's slung over the both of them. ]

I just worried that it'd make it- it'd make it hurt, to keep loving me. And I knew you'd do it anyway, but I wanted to make it easier.

[ He said something like this when he first came here. But it was a request then, not an admission. I need you to let it be difficult. ]

I have to let it be difficult, and just trust that you can do difficult things. So you've seen it. And I'll cover it up again, because it's gross. But you know what's there now.

...Leave it. Cover it up later.

[Which is a soft and grumbly way of saying: if Kakyoin tries to move off of him even one single inch right now, Jotaro is going to quiet riot.

He can't help but smile, though, as Hierophant draws Adrian in. He's asleep (for once), and he wouldn't have begrudged Jotaro and Kakyoin a heartfelt moment to themselves even if he were aware of it, but it's still nice to have him close by. He still feels like he's going to burst with butterfly warmth every time he lays eyes on his pretty vampire boyfriend, and the comfortable security of having his fussy gremlin boyfriend bearing him down into the mattress at the same time is just — it's just —

It wasn't because he was lucky, Kakyoin had said. This, none of this, was luck.

It was just love.]

Nothing hurts when we're like this. Not because of the chroma. But I...

[That awful, empty void gnawing inside of him. The cold that never went away. The fears that he was always going to feel like that, forever, because everything had changed and he was broken and fucked up and if that was the price of the world then of course he'd paid it, but he was still a casualty and he knew it, all of that —]

I don't hurt. Not when we're all together.

Fine, fine.

[ He settles properly against Jotaro again to demonstrate that fine, he can re-cover himself in the morning. Keeps combing through his hair with one hand while wriggling the other into Adrian's, using Hierophant to close his fingers around him. A safe little tangle of limbs and affection, all carefully organised by Hierophant to keep the lot of them from becoming an uncomfortable snarl. ]

Maybe we should see how long we can stay like this in the morning. I'm sure Star would end up finding breakfast from somewhere.

Hmmm. That'd be pretty nice.

[He's being petted. If it were Sanguis right now, there'd be a rumble in the back of his throat that came dangerously close to sounding like purring, too, but since he's not, it's just your average everyday highly satisfied gravel in his tone.]

Guess we'd have to find a way to stay busy while we waited for him to get back, though.

[...]

I guess you and Adrian could always kiss each other. While I watch. That'd fill in some time.

Just watch? You wouldn't want your own kisses? Because I think we could spare one or two.

[ One more stroke of Jotaro's hair and he pauses, letting his hand stay behind his head to hold it in place while he kisses. To demonstrate, obviously. ]

We can be like this for as long as you like. [ Or at least until he needs to use the bathroom, but nobody needs that kind of specificity right now. ] As long as you let me stay here.

I just like looking at you...

[Which isn't to say that he doesn't like his own kisses, either, because it's awfully nice to be on the receiving end of those, to feel Kakyoin reaching for him and wanting him and reveling in the renewed understanding that someone like Kakyoin wants his kisses against his mouth.]

And I'm not letting you go, either.

Good.

[ He's achieved a lot of things. He's good at achieving things, at making himself fit neatly into the places people want him to fit. It's hard to be proud of any of them, though, in comparison to being part of Jotaro feeling safe. Painless. He pulls Adrian's arm in a little, so that their clasped hands are tucked neatly beside Jotaro.

It's everything he's ever wanted, all his life, and it's a little silly that it took him until after-

-until he came here to seek it out. When at any time he could have just leaned in closer and stretched out his arms and been like this. Both of them safe. ]

I never want you to. Either of you.

IC Inbox | prismatica

Backdated to idk some time when they’re not animals

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