starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

[ There's an absence, when Jotaro touches him. No little encouraging noise, the kind that he's getting good at making sound like accidental little things that slip out of him despite his best efforts. Which they still are except for when they're entirely deliberate. But his body relaxes into the touch in a way it didn't when it was over the scar. Sinks slightly on the side that Jotaro's touching. He breathes out slowly but so deeply that it feels like every part of him but the crystal scar is collapsed in on itself, that it's just bulging out of him like a live rat eaten by a snake and waiting to die.

(Noriaki "Good at choosing sexy metaphors" Kakyoin) ]

Yeah, okay.

[ In the dark, the scar is an almost-round glassy thing with ragged edges. Little threads of scar tissue grow into it like a tree's roots in reverse. Like the crystal is the blank slate and Kakyoin is the thing that grew out of it. Like Hierophant is the man-shaped thing and Kakyoin is the thing spreading tendrils over it.

In the light, through, or maybe through Star's eyes, it's translucent. There are things behind it, insects trapped in amber. A spine, not quite visible from the front. Blood vessels. Some of a stomach and some intestine, moving slightly as they work at the unpleasant, thankless task of being part of Noriaki Kakyoin. Tiny gaps in the mess of organs where light filters through. ]

[It's about the size of a fist. Actually, it's not even "about" — it's exactly the size of Star's fist, and this hole is exactly like the one he'd driven through the belly of The World the very first time Dio had the mistake of getting too close. Part of him wants to tell Kakyoin that, wants to remind him how he punched through The World and broke Dio's skull and doused him in gasoline and nearly set him on fire. Wants to make it clear, savagely, that they weren't just victims on the night of January 16th, that he hit back too, that he made sure Dio hurt and screamed and bled for this.

But that's not what this should be about. Dio has no place in the middle of this. He doesn't deserve to be a part of it, even as a shadow of a memory. The ultimate blow is that he isn't here at all, that he's no longer worthy of notice. His significance has ended. He's useless.

So he looks instead at Kakyoin in the dim, at the stained-glass glow of organs suspended in green crystal, like an aquarium frozen in time.

It's ugly, and horrific, and it does make him want to throw up. But this is part of Kakyoin now, and that means something too.]

Polnareff would be so pissed at you.

[Emboldened, he skims his fingertips over the glassy green surface.]

Having a cool scar to impress girls with, and all.

Polnareff wouldn't-

[ He starts to speak and then catches himself because even now, even like this, he's not anxious enough to ever think that Polnareff wouldn't. ]

-he absolutely would pursue the kind of woman who would be impressed by an intestine-viewing window.

[ And he almost adds 'please take care of him', because- well. It's hard to not be a little morbid like this. But Jotaro isn't actually throwing up. Or screaming. He's not even really taking pity on him, just making conversation. They're just dunking on Polnareff, a completely normal activity. He reaches up to comb Jotaro's hair back with his fingers, away from his face. ]

It's not that I think that you wouldn't want me around because it's ugly. It's just nasty. I don't like to look at it. I don't want to make you look at it.

...It's pretty nasty.

[He's willing to concede that fact largely because it's true, and Kakyoin already said it so it's not like he's about to start a big stupid fight over it. This, too, adds normalcy to this moment they're building together. Like it's no different than any other scar they'd incurred and examined in the aftermath on their long road to Egypt.]

But I grow scales on my dick sometimes, so I don't think I really get to talk.

[He closes his eyes, but not to avert them from the crystal — no, just because the touch of Kakyoin's fingers running through his hair just felt too good to keep them open.]

Mm. Keep doing that.

Mm. But they're pretty scales.

[ Hierophant brings the little fake skin cover back to im and he considers it for a few seconds. But, truth be told, he'd rather just keep touching Jotaro than go to the effort of putting it back on. He's seen it now. He knows it's gross. He knows there's a part of him still locked in time, left behind in Dio's world. It can't catch him off-guard now. So maybe it's okay to be a little more careless.

He lowers himself back down, a little higher up on the bed than he had been before because he shuffled himself forward when he sat up. His head is level with Jotaro's instead of resting at his collarbone. If he moves a little to the side, his head might even touch the pillows. Which would be a first, because usually the bed itself is entirely irrelevant to him when he just sleeps on top of Jotaro. ]

I never- [ He combs his fingers through Jotaro's hair again, stretching his neck so he can kiss his forehead where he's just brushed away the curls. ] -never thought you wouldn't love me. Not because of this. You know that, right?

Oh.

[It's all he can think of to say, for a moment. Oh. Kakyoin never thought this horrible thing would be a stumbling block, and that makes him feel warm, brings a soft heat to his cheeks. But there's something more, Jotaro suspects, in the particulars of how Kakyoin chooses his words. Isn't there?

Because he doesn't say that the scars would make him unlovable. What he says is, I never thought you wouldn't love me.

You. Him. Jotaro.

It's not really about the scars at all, is it? It's about his belief in the way that Jotaro loves him, and realizing that feels good, too.]

I know now. Because you told me.

Good. I didn't want you to think- I never thought that you'd give up on me, because of something that someone else did. I'd have been afraid of that a long time ago. But not now. I know you better than that.

[ He keeps combing through Jotaro's hair as he speaks. And it's a good job that Adrian is both a deep sleeper and incredibly patient with him, because Hierophant is just rearranging him as if he thinks Adrian is his to arrange how he likes, pulling one of his arms so it's slung over the both of them. ]

I just worried that it'd make it- it'd make it hurt, to keep loving me. And I knew you'd do it anyway, but I wanted to make it easier.

[ He said something like this when he first came here. But it was a request then, not an admission. I need you to let it be difficult. ]

I have to let it be difficult, and just trust that you can do difficult things. So you've seen it. And I'll cover it up again, because it's gross. But you know what's there now.

...Leave it. Cover it up later.

[Which is a soft and grumbly way of saying: if Kakyoin tries to move off of him even one single inch right now, Jotaro is going to quiet riot.

He can't help but smile, though, as Hierophant draws Adrian in. He's asleep (for once), and he wouldn't have begrudged Jotaro and Kakyoin a heartfelt moment to themselves even if he were aware of it, but it's still nice to have him close by. He still feels like he's going to burst with butterfly warmth every time he lays eyes on his pretty vampire boyfriend, and the comfortable security of having his fussy gremlin boyfriend bearing him down into the mattress at the same time is just — it's just —

It wasn't because he was lucky, Kakyoin had said. This, none of this, was luck.

It was just love.]

Nothing hurts when we're like this. Not because of the chroma. But I...

[That awful, empty void gnawing inside of him. The cold that never went away. The fears that he was always going to feel like that, forever, because everything had changed and he was broken and fucked up and if that was the price of the world then of course he'd paid it, but he was still a casualty and he knew it, all of that —]

I don't hurt. Not when we're all together.

Fine, fine.

[ He settles properly against Jotaro again to demonstrate that fine, he can re-cover himself in the morning. Keeps combing through his hair with one hand while wriggling the other into Adrian's, using Hierophant to close his fingers around him. A safe little tangle of limbs and affection, all carefully organised by Hierophant to keep the lot of them from becoming an uncomfortable snarl. ]

Maybe we should see how long we can stay like this in the morning. I'm sure Star would end up finding breakfast from somewhere.

Hmmm. That'd be pretty nice.

[He's being petted. If it were Sanguis right now, there'd be a rumble in the back of his throat that came dangerously close to sounding like purring, too, but since he's not, it's just your average everyday highly satisfied gravel in his tone.]

Guess we'd have to find a way to stay busy while we waited for him to get back, though.

[...]

I guess you and Adrian could always kiss each other. While I watch. That'd fill in some time.

Just watch? You wouldn't want your own kisses? Because I think we could spare one or two.

[ One more stroke of Jotaro's hair and he pauses, letting his hand stay behind his head to hold it in place while he kisses. To demonstrate, obviously. ]

We can be like this for as long as you like. [ Or at least until he needs to use the bathroom, but nobody needs that kind of specificity right now. ] As long as you let me stay here.

I just like looking at you...

[Which isn't to say that he doesn't like his own kisses, either, because it's awfully nice to be on the receiving end of those, to feel Kakyoin reaching for him and wanting him and reveling in the renewed understanding that someone like Kakyoin wants his kisses against his mouth.]

And I'm not letting you go, either.

Good.

[ He's achieved a lot of things. He's good at achieving things, at making himself fit neatly into the places people want him to fit. It's hard to be proud of any of them, though, in comparison to being part of Jotaro feeling safe. Painless. He pulls Adrian's arm in a little, so that their clasped hands are tucked neatly beside Jotaro.

It's everything he's ever wanted, all his life, and it's a little silly that it took him until after-

-until he came here to seek it out. When at any time he could have just leaned in closer and stretched out his arms and been like this. Both of them safe. ]

I never want you to. Either of you.

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