starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

You're gonna paint more, right?

[He sets the canvas down carefully, propped against the edge of his couch for safekeeping, then turns more fully toward Alucard and reaches up to brush a hand through a stray fall of his golden hair.]

It's not just that you have talent. Painting makes you happy, doesn't it?

It does. But it helped to have your encouragement.

[He reaches for the hand touching his hair, and he presses his cheek into Jotaro's palm.]

Art and culture is so important. It says who we are. And I would rather create than destroy.

Whatever it takes, you can have it. Paint. Canvas. Brushes. I can pay for it. I just want you to have it.

[He runs his thumb lightly over Alucard's cheekbone, stroking a stripe across his skin like it's a paintbrush, itself.]

I want to see who you are with the way you paint. I want to see what you say. I want that.

You would get all of that for me.

[The hotel. The gift. Now this.]

You know... you don't have to buy things to make me happy. But if it's your way of showing affection, I also don't mind. I just want you to know that.

[He blinks, surprised, like it hadn't even occurred to him that that's pretty much exactly what he's been doing, but once it's pointed out to him, he has to take a minute and chew on it for a bit.]

...It makes me happy.

[His brow furrows slightly, and he says it like he's having a not-altogether-pleasant revelation of his own, more to himself than to Alucard.]

Makes me feel good. Like I'm doing something right...

[Ah. Hmm. So that's what it is — well, part of it, anyway.]

...Like I'm not a fuckup, I guess.

Jojo.

[There's a pause, then he reaches out to place his arm around Jotaro's waist, gently touching him into a small embrace.]

I think I understand, a little. We both feel like we have things to make up for, or at least trying to find something we feel accomplished at.

It's all right. I didn't mean it as a criticism, just an observation.

[The moment Alucard makes contact, he steps gratefully into the hold, drawing close enough to rest his head on Alucard's shoulder.]

I just realized I haven't felt sad in a long time. Feels like a long time. Even after we went in those VR pods...you cheered me up.

[He closes his eyes.]

What if I let my guard down, and it comes back?

Then you let someone else be your strength. Even if you don't want it, or think you need it. You let them.

You have people who care about you besides me. Rely on them. You're allowed to.

Yeah...

[It's easier said than done. Far, far easier said than done. But it's also not the first time someone has counseled him in precisely that direction, and every person who's said it has been someone he trusts.

He's quiet a minute, and then he huffs softly, a wash of hot breath against Alucard's neck.]

I think the bank made a mistake. All of a sudden I've got a ton of money. A lot more than I had a week ago.

Isn't it what you would tell me? Or something like it. Falling into the pit of despair is something I know too well. Enough that I am like a cold spot in the room.

[He closes his eyes and leans against Jotaro as well, but has the strength to hold them both.]

...Would it be more after, say, you and I were together last?

...Yeah, actually. I think I checked it at work the next morning. But...I mean, it always goes up after we...we mess around — [His fumble here sounds flustered, not ashamed.] — but never that much.

[It's nice to relax against Alucard. Let someone else be your strength, he'd said. It's easy when it's Alucard; he knows full well he's more than strong enough for the both of them.

But something still nags at him, flitting around in his mind demanding attention, and it takes him a little while before he works out what it is.]

...Someone told you that. "A cold spot in the room." Those aren't your words — you say it like you heard it from someone else.

Perhaps the dragon in you was hoarding. You did have an exceptional bit of... stamina, as it were.

[Alucard pauses, hesitant to admit it, but--]

In her defense, she didn't know I could hear her.

You really know a lot about dragons.

[He huffs again, an approving sort of sound, and settles a little more heavily against him.

"She". He wonders who it was. Someone who was important to Adrian, or it wouldn't have lingered with him all this time. His mother? No, not a chance. He'd only met Lisa Ţepeş for less than an hour, but he's absolutely certain she would never say anything of the sort about her own son.

So, who, then? Maybe one of the six people he rejected. He did say some of them didn't take it very gracefully.]

But it stuck with you. And now you can't get it out of your head.

For the few that remain in the world.

[The weight is taken, and Alucard continues to hold Jotaro, inviting him as near as he'd like.]

...No. I can't. When I think of Sypha and Trevor, I imagine they found the warmth they wanted in each other. I had nothing but a chasm, yawning and consuming grief. I know that about me.

But you wanted warmth too. And —

[Sypha, he thinks, racking his brain for anytime that Adrian might have mentioned her before. Sypha...was the one who broke the castle. Sypha, the magician. A legend of three people, the magician and the idiot with the whip and the naptime soldier — he's teased him about that part before.

A legend of three people, and two of them found warmth in each other.]

You wanted to be warm for her...?

There was an inkling that I had for both of them. But there are many reasons why it would be an unfit match, to say nothing about the fact that three people together is uncommon, much less them with a vampire.

They are friends. Nothing else. They have each other, I will be content to that. There is a small part that aches, but I've also moved past it.

Yeah. I get that, the ache that doesn't really go away.

[He lifts his head, drawing back enough that he can look Adrian properly in the eyes without pulling out of his embrace entirely.]

...You're not a chasm. Or if you are, then...maybe we're both in the same chasm together. Maybe we're both cold, so it doesn't feel cold.

[...]

That sounded better in my head.

[Adrian chuckles a little, nuzzling at Jotaro's brow.]

It's all right. I think I know what you mean.

We support each other well. I don't know where I'd be here without you, truly.

I meant it when I said I don't want just half of you.

[He closes his eyes, ducking his head obligingly to accept the nuzzling.]

Can you do something for me? You don't have to. But maybe just think about it?

[And that does make him smile warmly. He knows that, but it's always relieving to hear that Jotaro accepts all of him. Man and vampire.]

Of course. I'm listening.

...Paint me sometime. So I can see the me that you see.

[He glances toward the humpback whale rendered on the canvas, frozen in time and glistening with motion and life captured forever in paint.]

However you want, just...

No, I would love to. I wasn't certain what you would think if I did, but... yes.

Would it be all right if you modeled for me a little bit? It'll be easier.

Sure. You'll, uh, have to tell me what to do...but yeah. I can do that.

It's quite simple. Mostly, I just need even a minute of capturing your essence. The way your eyes brighten, or how distant they become.

...Really. That's it?

[His eyebrows go up, unable to resist, as he regards Adrian almost quizzically.]

You aren't going to make me...I don't know, pose, or...hold up some fruit, or something?

IC Inbox | prismatica

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)