starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

Isn't it what you would tell me? Or something like it. Falling into the pit of despair is something I know too well. Enough that I am like a cold spot in the room.

[He closes his eyes and leans against Jotaro as well, but has the strength to hold them both.]

...Would it be more after, say, you and I were together last?

...Yeah, actually. I think I checked it at work the next morning. But...I mean, it always goes up after we...we mess around — [His fumble here sounds flustered, not ashamed.] — but never that much.

[It's nice to relax against Alucard. Let someone else be your strength, he'd said. It's easy when it's Alucard; he knows full well he's more than strong enough for the both of them.

But something still nags at him, flitting around in his mind demanding attention, and it takes him a little while before he works out what it is.]

...Someone told you that. "A cold spot in the room." Those aren't your words — you say it like you heard it from someone else.

Perhaps the dragon in you was hoarding. You did have an exceptional bit of... stamina, as it were.

[Alucard pauses, hesitant to admit it, but--]

In her defense, she didn't know I could hear her.

You really know a lot about dragons.

[He huffs again, an approving sort of sound, and settles a little more heavily against him.

"She". He wonders who it was. Someone who was important to Adrian, or it wouldn't have lingered with him all this time. His mother? No, not a chance. He'd only met Lisa Ţepeş for less than an hour, but he's absolutely certain she would never say anything of the sort about her own son.

So, who, then? Maybe one of the six people he rejected. He did say some of them didn't take it very gracefully.]

But it stuck with you. And now you can't get it out of your head.

For the few that remain in the world.

[The weight is taken, and Alucard continues to hold Jotaro, inviting him as near as he'd like.]

...No. I can't. When I think of Sypha and Trevor, I imagine they found the warmth they wanted in each other. I had nothing but a chasm, yawning and consuming grief. I know that about me.

But you wanted warmth too. And —

[Sypha, he thinks, racking his brain for anytime that Adrian might have mentioned her before. Sypha...was the one who broke the castle. Sypha, the magician. A legend of three people, the magician and the idiot with the whip and the naptime soldier — he's teased him about that part before.

A legend of three people, and two of them found warmth in each other.]

You wanted to be warm for her...?

There was an inkling that I had for both of them. But there are many reasons why it would be an unfit match, to say nothing about the fact that three people together is uncommon, much less them with a vampire.

They are friends. Nothing else. They have each other, I will be content to that. There is a small part that aches, but I've also moved past it.

Yeah. I get that, the ache that doesn't really go away.

[He lifts his head, drawing back enough that he can look Adrian properly in the eyes without pulling out of his embrace entirely.]

...You're not a chasm. Or if you are, then...maybe we're both in the same chasm together. Maybe we're both cold, so it doesn't feel cold.

[...]

That sounded better in my head.

[Adrian chuckles a little, nuzzling at Jotaro's brow.]

It's all right. I think I know what you mean.

We support each other well. I don't know where I'd be here without you, truly.

I meant it when I said I don't want just half of you.

[He closes his eyes, ducking his head obligingly to accept the nuzzling.]

Can you do something for me? You don't have to. But maybe just think about it?

[And that does make him smile warmly. He knows that, but it's always relieving to hear that Jotaro accepts all of him. Man and vampire.]

Of course. I'm listening.

...Paint me sometime. So I can see the me that you see.

[He glances toward the humpback whale rendered on the canvas, frozen in time and glistening with motion and life captured forever in paint.]

However you want, just...

No, I would love to. I wasn't certain what you would think if I did, but... yes.

Would it be all right if you modeled for me a little bit? It'll be easier.

Sure. You'll, uh, have to tell me what to do...but yeah. I can do that.

It's quite simple. Mostly, I just need even a minute of capturing your essence. The way your eyes brighten, or how distant they become.

...Really. That's it?

[His eyebrows go up, unable to resist, as he regards Adrian almost quizzically.]

You aren't going to make me...I don't know, pose, or...hold up some fruit, or something?

Do you want to pose naked for me holding a bowl of grapes? I suppose that would be very entertaining, but it wouldn't be you. Not the real you.

...Maybe I'd think about it. If you asked. Is all I meant.

[HE SAYS, TSUNNING.]

I don't know how to show you my essence, though.

It would be quite the sight. You have a beautiful body, but that sort of painting should be private.

[He leans in, stealing a quick kiss.]

It's all right. I'll instruct you properly when the time comes. I don't need you to be still for long.

I...listen. I know...I say, a lot, "if you want it I'll do it". That doesn't mean I'm only doing it 'cause you want it. You know that, right? I'm...

[He fumbles a little, casting around for his thoughts, and while he does he reaches up to cup Adrian's cheek in his palm.]

I mean I trust you. With me. I'm trying to say I'll follow your lead, because I trust you.

I know. But I appreciate you expressing it, especially when words can be difficult for you.

[Adrian closes his eyes and leans into Jotaro's hand.]

I look forward to painting you.

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