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ryslig
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no subject
i don't know if they make tv specials on babies
or if they do they probably don't air them on the channels i watch
...
what do you mean "too"
you got sick? at the end of 1987? in the winter, like december and january?
no subject
yeah it was about then. it was snowing real heavily so we nearly didn't make it to the hospital in time... my mom still freaks out sometimes if i get a bad cold
shit if it's the same thing, i guess that's one more time you've saved my life
[Jotaro and the boy with the pomadour.]
1/2
fifty days worked out to the whole month of december and then sixteen days into january
i remember it was january sixteenth. about half past five, local time. the clock stopped...
[...]
no subject
but
...
right before it kicked off, right before i started fighting him, your dad tried to warn me. he told me not to get near him, to run and save myself.
thinking about it now, i realize what he meant.
he wanted me to get away because dio wouldn't chase after me at first. he would stop and waste time killing jiji, time that would give me a head start.
everyone i went to egypt with, they all would've died to give me the chance to live. three of them did. i don't know why they all thought i was the
i don't know why people would be fine with dying for me
but maybe they knew something i didn't because for some reason i was the same as dio. he had his kingdom of stopped time and i remember him calling me an invader. like i didn't belong there. like...how dare i share that with him.
i found out that night that my star platinum, my soul, was identical enough to his that we shared the same power.
so. that means i'm like him. it must, if it's true that your stand is a part of you, then there must be a part of me that's the twin to the guy who killed my friends and hurt my mom, hurt you, did...all that shit
...
i don't really know why i'm telling you all of this but i guess...what i wanted to say is, when i was fighting him, i didn't feel like a hero. it didn't feel like i was doing a good thing and i wasn't...really thinking about anything except that i was pissed off
but fighting him felt like dying, slowly, for hours and hours
he did shit to me that i still have nightmares about
i still hear his voice sometimes when i don't want to, when i'm alone and it's dark and i'm on my back
but i don't regret it
and i'd do it again
and if everything i did meant that you survived then i'd do it a hundred more times over again because the world needs more people like you and like my mom
i'll never be able to make sense of what happened that night but living with it is a little easier, because i can say "because i did this, josuke survived"
so
...i guess that's what i wanted to say
1/2
By the time he's done, his chest aches with not only sympathy but with pride and admiration and anger and all of that shit that comes with hearing a survivor lay out their soul. Every time he hears more from him, every time he exposes just a little more of what he went through, it leaves Josuke feeling oddly winded, as though he were the one on the receiving end of DIO's punches, not Jotaro. Having that on your shoulders all the time... fuck. He can't even imagine it. Shigechi's death had been hard enough to deal with but they're so different. Jotaro's fight against DIO sounds almost dreamlike, more like a nightmare than anything that really happened, but it did and whether he knew it before now or not, he's looking at the man it created. Someone tougher, yes, but tired and full of conflict and midnight sweats and still wondering why the people he lost were willing to do it. Why he was worthy of it. Even the Jotaro he knew at home must have been silently shouldering some of the responsibility of their own battles.
And he's right. Josuke knows without a flicker of doubt that he would die for him too, if he had to.
And yet, though still far from understanding it in its entirely, the separate pieces of his anxiety are familiar. That frightening possibility that you might not be so far removed from the person you're fighting. Similarities thrown into the light where you need to focus on the differences to keep your head.]
hold on a second
no subject
Better to be incoherent than patronising.]
... I... sometimes I wake up thinking about Kira. Here, I mean. About whether we're the same because the Fog god wanted to fuck with us or if there really is something to it because it can't just be coincidence. [He swallows.] I still don't really know. I get it, though. It's- it's scary to think that there might be something inside me that I don't even know about that's like whatever it is inside him. Or like with you and Dio. Maybe Dio worried about the same thing. Like, if the parts you had in common weren't his at all, or...
[Josuke pauses again, trying to remember where he was going with that point.]
... I guess what I want to say is that I'm grateful. I wouldn't even be here now if you hadn't gone through all of that and it means even more that you did all of it without even knowing how important it was. Anyway. You're a whole lot more like the old man than you think too- you should be more worried about that.
no subject
He never got to say goodbye to any of the three people who died for him. That thought torments him, sometimes.
But sometimes he wonders if he would've gotten it right, even if he had been given the opportunity. What would've come out of his mouth, if he'd had five seconds to offer last words to Abdul? Would he have been able to produce words that made him understand his gratitude and respect? Would he have thought to tell Iggy that for being a pain in the ass, he was really one of them in the end?
What would he have said to Kakyoin?
(It should've been something meaningful, something important, something to make his imminent death go a little easier. He thinks sometimes it would've ended up being the opposite of that, don't you dare, don't you fucking leave me, you bastard.)
Here he is again, this time with Josuke on the line, and all his words are up in his head instead of coming out of his mouth.
But he has to give it a try, anyway.]
I think sometimes it's hard to know what's worse. I think sometimes...I could live with being like Dio, if I had to. But I don't want him to be like me.
I guess...it feels like, I could handle there being a part of me that's that evil. But I don't want part of him to be good. He doesn't deserve to have any part of him be good.
[Monsters are easier to kill than human beings, don't you know. Which is funny logic in a place like Ryslig, but.]
You don't really think I'm like Jiji, do you?