IC Inbox | ryslig

[starmark]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, THIS IS JOTARO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.20.118.16 *** THIS IS JOTARO has joined 019.20.118.16 <THIS IS JOTARO> okay i'm typing now what <THIS IS JOTARO> delete what i just said <THIS IS JOTARO> delete what i just said <THIS IS JOTARO> delete everything i just said <THIS IS JOTARO> make this an automated messa <AUTOMATED REPLY, DO NOT RETURN> This is Jotaro. Whatever you want, hurry up and tell me already.

Comments

[pomaded]

[For a few minutes, he does nothing more than at his keyboard, willing the loose threads of his thoughts to knit together into something more coherent. They don't. In fact, trying to get how he feels down in words seems to confuse him even more; he doesn't like how trite it looks on paper. So, after some thought, he gives up trying altogether and switches to an audio message instead.

Better to be incoherent than patronising.]

... I... sometimes I wake up thinking about Kira. Here, I mean. About whether we're the same because the Fog god wanted to fuck with us or if there really is something to it because it can't just be coincidence. [He swallows.] I still don't really know. I get it, though. It's- it's scary to think that there might be something inside me that I don't even know about that's like whatever it is inside him. Or like with you and Dio. Maybe Dio worried about the same thing. Like, if the parts you had in common weren't his at all, or...

[Josuke pauses again, trying to remember where he was going with that point.]

... I guess what I want to say is that I'm grateful. I wouldn't even be here now if you hadn't gone through all of that and it means even more that you did all of it without even knowing how important it was. Anyway. You're a whole lot more like the old man than you think too- you should be more worried about that.

[starmark]

[He listens for a while, and it's good to hear Josuke's voice, even though it leaves him a little unsettled with the implicit social pressure to respond back in kind. He likes text because he doesn't have to make his voice produce the things that are in his head; he can just fit words to them and then look at them for a while to make sure he's really gotten down what it was he'd been thinking. He's never liked how speaking only gives you one chance to get it right. Too many things are too important to get wrong.

He never got to say goodbye to any of the three people who died for him. That thought torments him, sometimes.

But sometimes he wonders if he would've gotten it right, even if he had been given the opportunity. What would've come out of his mouth, if he'd had five seconds to offer last words to Abdul? Would he have been able to produce words that made him understand his gratitude and respect? Would he have thought to tell Iggy that for being a pain in the ass, he was really one of them in the end?

What would he have said to Kakyoin?

(It should've been something meaningful, something important, something to make his imminent death go a little easier. He thinks sometimes it would've ended up being the opposite of that, don't you dare, don't you fucking leave me, you bastard.)

Here he is again, this time with Josuke on the line, and all his words are up in his head instead of coming out of his mouth.

But he has to give it a try, anyway.]

I think sometimes it's hard to know what's worse. I think sometimes...I could live with being like Dio, if I had to. But I don't want him to be like me.

I guess...it feels like, I could handle there being a part of me that's that evil. But I don't want part of him to be good. He doesn't deserve to have any part of him be good.

[Monsters are easier to kill than human beings, don't you know. Which is funny logic in a place like Ryslig, but.]

You don't really think I'm like Jiji, do you?