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prismatica
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Jotaro Kujo ⬤ JJBA: Stardust Crusaders
residential district ⬤ ???
moonblessing ⬤ Sanguis
residential district ⬤ ???
moonblessing ⬤ Sanguis
prismatica
no subject
um
hmm
ok i think maybe it's like
there are two parts
the part where i fight and the part where i don't
the fight is when i'm trying not to go the fuck to sleep
but then after it is the part where i go to sleep and i'm yours
like
i know you hate the dog thing but it makes sense as a dog thing
instead of fighting think of it as like
acting out
misbehaving
i want to misbehave at first
and then you make me behave
and then you tell me i'm good
the supervillain thing is just a different way to play the game
if you want to be mean about it or not
but the game is the same either way
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Oh.
I get it now.
Don't look at your phone until I tell you to. I need to get this right, so it's going to be slow and if you only see half of it it's going to be wrong.
You don't need an excuse, you know.
To stop for a while.
That's what this is, isn't it?
Because if you really can't do anything but fuck off back to sleep. Then fucking off back to sleep becomes the optimal strategy.
You're so caught up in doing the right thing for everyone that you can't stop doing the right thing unless someone fucks with the situation in such a way that that the stopping, in itself, is the right thing.
It's kind of funny, really.
I love you. Fuck I love you so much. And I don't think you're fucked up.
Very fucked up, anyway.
I think you're a good person.
And maybe all good people have to be a little bit fucked up or they wouldn't know what a bad person is and how not to be one.
But it is kind of funny.
I want to do it.
I want to mess with you until fucking off back to sleep is the only thing left that you can do.
And when you fuck off back to sleep I want to make it worth it. So you know it was the right thing.
I want to make you feel good. And I want to make you safe. And when you're ready to wake up I want to kiss you awake again and make that worth it, too.
But I don't want that to be the only reason that you can fuck off back to sleep.
I want you to promise me that you'll try to do it just. Because it's what you need to do.
If it doesn't work out it's okay but I want you to keep trying.
[ He waits about ten seconds after he's done typing, then breathes out after what felt like holding his breath the whole time he was writing. ]
Look at it.
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And finally when he sighs, and he says to look, Jotaro stays quiet and nods a little and lifts his head to see the results of Kakyoin's thoughtful, careful musing.
His eyes track over the words, one by one, and the longer he goes on, the more an inexplicable lump starts to form in his throat.
You don't need an excuse, you know. To stop for a while.
I love you.
I want to make you feel good. And I want to make you safe.
Keep trying.
Keep trying.
Keep trying.
The next breath he draws in, it shakes. His eyes sting with heat. And he winds up texting back, if for no other reason than that he just doesn't trust his voice right now.]
i can't do it by myself
not yet
i need
[The first word he writes is you, which is pretty and romantic, and not the right one. Not this time.
He knows what the right one is.
He plucks it out, letter by letter, only halfway looking at the keys.]
help
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You don't have to be able to do it.
I just want you to try.
While we're here. So if we're ever not, maybe that'll be. After 'not yet'.
It can be a trade.
You try to fuck off back to sleep.
If it works I'll be there to handle everything.
And if it doesn't work then I'll make you fuck off back to sleep.
And then I'll be there to handle everything.
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[It's his turn, then, to take a while typing. And to forget to tell Kakyoin he's doing it, but — maybe that's okay. Maybe he'll just know. He usually does.]
i love you
so much
it happened once
the fuck off back to sleep
and something happened it was just like
everything got so quiet
i closed my eyes and it was just quiet
before it happened i kept acting up
it was fun to push back
to get in trouble
to make trouble
but then one time i just...didn't
i just didn't fight back
i just didn't fight
i just did what i was told
it felt wrong at first
it felt bad kind of
not bad enough to stop but just
it didn't feel right it didn't feel
right
but then i did what i was told and
he petted me
he said i did good
and it didn't feel wrong anymore
it felt like i did something right
like i was safe
and it didn't hurt
and it was so quiet
i want to feel like that again
not all the time
but i
i want
i want to know i get to feel like that
i get to fuck off back to sleep too
sometimes
i love you
if you think i can do it by myself someday
then i must be able to
so i'll try
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Not at the saying things right part. But at the saying things at all part.
I can't do that. It's. It hurts, saying things that aren't right. So if I can't say something right, I can't say anything at all.
I don't really know anything about any of this.
But I know what fucking off back to sleep feels like.
And I want to make you feel like that.
But I want you to be okay, when I'm not here. And you will be, because Adrian will be there. But that's. Cheating, I suppose. It's not doing it right. Just because I know he won't leave you doesn't mean he's.
It feels fucked up to say he's not a variable anyone but him can control.
Most things sound fucked up if I say them the way they sound in my head.
It shouldn't matter. You shouldn't need to be able to feel safe alone, because we shouldn't leave you alone. But. Just in case.
If you try, I'll let Star pick out my movie villain outfit.
Deal?
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it'll be another dress again you know
you looked really pretty in that
not pretty like a girl
but pretty like
like it didn't matter if dresses are for girls or not
it was for you because you were wearing it
and fuck what anybody else thought
like you finally figured out how beautiful you are
and just went for it
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I was.
[ 7FF000 is typing... ]
Scared.
I don't know what I was scared of. But I was scared. I thought I looked ridiculous. I thought I'd done everything wrong. If I hadn't already promised to do something for the day I'd probably
I'm glad that you liked it.
I like it, when you want to look at me.
Maybe that's what I was scared of. That you'd look at me and regret it, and not want to do it again.
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it's ok if you do
i just want to know
do you really think i could ever look at you and regret it
is that how it feels
you don't have to explain it
it's ok to just say yes or no
if that's how it is
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i thought you felt that way about me once
when you first got here
and you ran away and threw up
i'm not trying to change the subject or anything
i'm just saying
i think i understand what you're afraid of
i think i get it
i want you to know that i get it
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I. Didn't regret seeing you. I just.
Logically, I knew.
That if you'd survived then time would start again for you.
You'd leave Egypt.
It's what I wanted.
It's just different to know it and to have proof.
I found out about Jolyne and. If she existed, time had to have passed. A lot of time, for her to be around and the age she is.
Imagine if Adrian or I went missing for two decades. And you knew we were probably still alive, but nothing else. Not that we were safe or happy or hurt or. Nothing. Just that two decades had gone by and you didn't get to know anything more than that and that there would never be anything you could do to change it. Everything you'd have thought for those twenty years, and thinking it in the same second.
It doesn't matter anymore, I suppose. Things are different. Or will be different. It's difficult to use the right tense here.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
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you don't have to explain it
you don't have to be sorry
i'm
i'm trying to say i understand your feelings
and not just when people say "oh i understand" to be nice
i'm saying i get it
that i think i've felt what you felt
that i know what you're trying to say
i'm trying to say
that when you say you're scared
when you try to describe it
that now i know
that feeling you have when you're scared
if you say you're having that feeling then i'll know what you're feeling
i'll know what you're going through
so you're not going through it alone
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Sorry, you weren't unclear.
I just. Wanted you to know that it wasn't you. Not really.
But I suppose you can turn that back on me, can't you? It wasn't just not me, it never even happened. If it was as easy as saying that I don't need to worry about that kind of thing, it'd be fixed.
It's a little silly. Your thing is something real and I just. Thought if you saw me when I was really trying to look nice for you and I looked stupid you wouldn't want to see me again.
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it just sounds like you need some go the fuck to sleep
we both do
just about different things
i need to go the fuck to sleep about saving everyone
and you need to go the fuck to sleep about keeping me
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No. You are right.
It'd make more sense to trade, wouldn't it?
I mean, I don't know that I'd be any better at saving everyone.
But I don't think you'd ever need to worry too much about whether or not you want me around.
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on the neck where you can't hide it
where your collar will rub it and you'll feel it
so you can't possibly think i don't want you
because there's my bite right there
proving you wrong
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It takes a while, but eventually, eventually, he slams his thumb down on the screen in a way that an anime would make really dramatic. ]
Do it.
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He takes his time, nuzzling around until he finds the perfect spot a little in front of his ear and close to his pulse, and then drags his tongue over it in a silent expression of intent before setting his teeth against the wet mark.]
Hmm.
[It winds up being Kakyoin's only warning; a moment later he sets to work, alternating between nibbling bites and suction until gradually, a lovely wide bruise starts to form beneath the skin.]
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It better look nice.
[ He says, mostly because he knows he's going to make noise no matter what and maybe he can sneak it out using words as camouflage. ]
I'll be pissed if it's ugly.
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[He mumbles without ever wholly breaking contact, taking the opportunity to kiss and soothe the bite before setting back to adding another layer of bruising on top of the first for good measure.]
Say you're mine. Say it out loud.
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[ Well, kind of. A yours-thing. He doesn't say it properly, in the same way that fuck off back to sleep isn't saying anything properly. It's just saying things in the easiest way.
It'd be wrong to say it's painless, but it doesn't hurt. It's good. The pinch of Jotaro's teeth against increasingly tender skin. Each little broken capillary, snapping like Hierophant's threads.
It's going to leave a mark. Jotaro's right, that he won't be able to hide it entirely with the collar of any of his jackets. He's trading perfection for making it clear to anyone who looks that Jotaro loves him. That's a little exciting. ]
Yours. I'm yours. Your iris. Your Hierophant. Your Nori.
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[But he approves, and it's apparent; he finishes slowly, winding back down again from biting to nibbling to gently soothing the wounded skin with his tongue, careful and sweet. And of course kisses follow, one after another, like apologies for even the faintest of sting that was necessary to leave his mark there to begin with.]
Not for yourself. I already believe it; now it's your turn.
[He lifts his head up a little, nosing higher on Kakyoin's neck, before returning back down to the bruise and kissing it again.]
See? You must be mine. You've got my mark on you.
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[ He lets out a soft, contented sigh, handing off his phone to a waiting tendril so that he can wrap his arms around Jotaro. ]
You love me, you know. [ Not that it's particularly news to either of them, but it's a new thing for him to say. You love me. Certain. so certain. ] I could just tell you to fuck off back to sleep, and I bet you'd try.
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Maybe.
[There are three statements that admission could possibly be answering, but only one that it makes sense to attach to. There's nothing maybe about the damning evidence, and Kakyoin must know better than to think he would ever say maybe to a conclusion about his adoration.
Which leaves just that last thing, I bet, and Jotaro means to lick his lips but really just winds up with the corner of the lower one caught behind his teeth, anticipatory.]
Dunno if it'd be that easy.
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