starmark | IC Inbox | prismatica

...What?

[The kiss is sweet, and soothes his frazzled nerves of weeks upon weeks just like all the others have before it, but then Kakyoin introduces a notion that he genuinely wasn't expecting — ha ha, hilarious, he's got the powers of a god and reality bends at his will and even now, even so, Noriaki Kakyoin can still catch him off-guard — and his brow furrows beneath the astonishment of it, his expression a mask of disbelief and protest.]

No — no way, no. I'm staying with you. I wouldn't ever leave you behind. We're going to go together, when you're ready...

[But are they? Or will Kakyoin get what he wants, however baffling and implausible, just like he always does?]

You don't really want me to go...you're just saying that...right?

Of course I don't really want you to go. I want to be with you. I want to sleep on top of you every night. I want to get mad at you for making dick jokes every time I have to have a tube shoved down my throat. I want to make Adrian watch at least twelve different shows and sit in his lap to play videogames and make you look at all the porn people have made of baseball mascots and-

[ -So maybe that started out as him trying to reassure Jotaro that he doesn't actively want him done and ended as a list of reasons to argue against the very thing he's asking for. ]

-and I want you to be able to have a normal life without having to wait for me before you can start it. I want Adrian to be somewhere where he won't stick out like a sore thumb.

We could buy him a school uniform...

[He doesn't actually know if that's an attempt at a joke or an attempt at weakly protesting the very good point that Kakyoin makes. The optics of it bother him — taking Adrian and running away with him while Kakyoin languishes back home in a hospital bed — but this may be one of those areas where Kakyoin's personal brand of ruthless clarity has the advantage on him. Kakyoin knows he'll run himself ragged trying to make things work out for everyone. Kakyoin is the one capable of making the harder call, when Jotaro's answer is always just to take all the burden onto his own shoulders.

They all deserve to have a chance. And he could wave his hands and make the problem just go away, just like that; he has the power to change everything if he wants, just because he wants to, and no one could stop him.

But he won't.

Kakyoin could ask him to fix it, but he doesn't. Kakyoin could speak one word and know he'd change the universe for him in an instant, without even thinking twice.

And he doesn't.

It's not supposed to be that easy. It's not supposed to be selfish. And that means that sometimes it's going to be hard, just like it is for everyone else who can't just swing a fist and make reality bend to their own will.]

What if we come visit. If I say that we'll go...then at least don't make me stay away until you're completely well again.

[He licks his lips, missing Kakyoin's kisses already, feeling as though they've gone dry and cracked.]

We'll bring stuff from America. Big stupid stuffed animals. Contraband. We'll sneak it in to you.

[ They need to let it be difficult. He said that, once. He only half-remembers what he was talking about. But they can let it be difficult, and from there they can find ways to make it easier. ]

Of course you have to visit. And you have to bring back weird American food. And the ugliest tourist things you can find.

[ He shouldn't be tearing up at the idea of weird sweets and giant stuffed animals and t-shirts with horrible slogans to use as pyjamas. And yet here he is, doing exactly that. He lowers his head for a moment, smushing his face into Jotaro's shoulder to wipe his eyes on his coat. ]

And I'll find you, remember? Sooner or later.

Hugo 2. I'll make Adrian bake another one.

[He doesn't want to agree. He doesn't want this to be hard. They've had to have it hard for long enough already, he doesn't want it to be harder still.

But it has to be, and it should be. It's hard, accepting that on one level even as he rebels against it on a different one.]

I just...don't want you to think we abandoned you. Because if — if you're going to think that, even once, even for a second...then I can't go. I won't. Okay?

Hugo, Son of Hugo. Hugo the Avenger.

[ He laughs despite himself. Brings his free hand up to Jotaro's cheek and lets his eyes crinkle as he shudders with laughter again. ]

You never would. Neither of you. I know. [ Jotaro would never abandon him, he knows that much for certain. It's why he has to carefully negotiate just to keep him from putting his life on hold for two months and keeping Adrian in a place where he'll always look like an outsider. And he knows Adrian less well, but well enough to know that 'don't leave me' is one of the few desperate requests that keeps him from hiding in coffins. Adrian wouldn't abandon anyone. ] There'll be times that I'm mad you're not there. But I won't think it's because you left me alone.

And I will find a way to let you know that I'm mad from halfway across the world. You don't need to worry about that.

You can be mad. You get to be mad at anything you want. You can get so mad you'll get well in a hurry just to come kick my ass about it.

[He turns his head, bringing his lips to touch against Kakyoin's fingertips, each one in its turn before sinking down to kiss his palm as well.]

I'll leave you my coat. You can wear it around the hospital and look like a real thug. And I'll keep your earrings. So you have to come back and get them yourself.

I'll look ridiculous.

[ Jotaro turns to kiss his hand over and over and

and he loves him.

This isn't a new revelation, but it doesn't hit any less hard for a lack of novelty. He loves Jotaro Kujo. Not because he's desperate and lonely. Not because he's so starved for human connection that he doesn't realise that it isn't meant to hurt. Not because Jotaro was the first person to really believe he was worth anything or because he saved him or because he owes him.

He loves Jotaro Kujo because Jotaro Kujo can never manage to kiss him just once. Because he needed to be convinced to leave him be rather than putting his life on hold to wait for him where anyone else would need to be convinced not to abandon him. Because he's kind, and because he's good at making people feel like they're worth kindness.

His other hand, the one buried in Jotaro's hair, pushes his head forward until their lips connect again. He kisses. Kisses again. Doesn't move back, so his lips are still moving over Jotaro's when he speaks. ]

We have time, before that. We should make the most of it.

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