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[starmark]

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Jotaro Kujo ⬤ JJBA: Stardust Crusaders
residential district ⬤ ???
moonblessing ⬤ Sanguis

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disgusted this entry isn't only full of her

[torsion]

Hey.
How you doing?

[starmark]

um
fine

i mean
better than expected i guess
better than i thought i would be at this point in this month
is what i mean

why

[torsion]

What, holidays a suckerpunch to you, too, huh?

I was just checking.
Just to check.
That's all!

[ She wants to make sure he's safe and she can support him. And if he wasn't alright it'd kill her inside. But that's not so easy to say. It's not something she can just let out. ]

Sorry if I made it sound worrying. I know you're capable of taking care of yourself, so it's not that. Don't want you to think I'm just here to say you can't do it alone or anything.
I guess I just
worry
is all

[starmark]

not holidays
january 16
that's the day it was back home just before i got here
three of my friends died and two more almost did
so i was expecting it to be bad

anyway
have you ever done some stuff that
you don't regret doing it
but you're also pretty sure you wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been kind of crazy at the time
you're fine with it but you also just
those sure were some decisions you made

[torsion]

I understand that probably too well.
For me, it's July 24th
There were eleven of us. Four survived. One of them preyed on us.
I was a lot younger then. But it isn't something that disappears. The memories.

Yeah. Lot of my decisions are in the moment. I wish it was easier to accept them and acknowledge the options at the time.
I regret a lot of what I've done.
Not just when I was younger, though. I should've done things before I came here. But I thought I was being stronger and protecting people.
Hard to admit.
But
I trust you. I think you understand what it's like. To have that weight.

[starmark]

july 24th
i'm going to remember that

back home i did some things that i had to do because i had to survive
i didn't have a choice
people were counting on me and it was either that or be dead

i used those vr pods to make myself relive it
it just felt like something i had to do
to live through it again

[torsion]

You've got enough shit on your plate. Don't worry about it.
Wish I'd known for you, though. Could've at least tried to distract you.
I know you'd... probably still think about it. But you shouldn't have the same weight I do on your shoulders.

I did some horrible things, too. Recently. Before coming here. Things I don't want to think about.
But I don't know what to do with it. Knowing.
Movies and books love to tell you that another option will show up at the last minute. That you don't have to do something that feels wrong. But that's not how reality is.

I don't trust what they're doing. What they could do with our memories. My friend told me that before they "perfected" it, months before you and I were here, that it made nightmares a reality. It twisted things and brought them to life.

You okay?

[starmark]

i went home with a guy
and i let him bite me

people keep giving me weird looks but i'm not sorry
and i don't regret that either

[torsion]

I'm the last person to come to for advice like that.
But if you're alright with it and both happy it isn't any weirder than the shit you see people unashamed to talk about around these parts, yeah?

You and I. We've both seen a lot of death, haven't we? So you know how precious it is to have something good, whatever it is and however it pans out.
Not much, but I don't judge you. Especially if you don't regret it.
If you can be happy, let yourself feel that way.

[starmark]

yeah
it looks pretty bad but i kind of like it
that sounds sort of crazy
but it's complicated

i think that was part of it too
the guy reminds me a lot of one of the people who died
my best friend
it wasn't like i was trying to replace one with the other or anything
but it's familiar
being around him feels familiar
like another chance at the thing that got lost

[torsion]

Guess I feel differently. To me, it's a shrug. You're alright with it -- hopefully happy -- and it works for you.
If you needed me, I'd have your back, of course.

Well, try not to let them be a replacement. I get it. Sometimes you have a "type," right? But try to be mindful of that.
If you're happy, I don't care how old you are.
You shouldn't have to waste time for that time to be meaningful, you know? If it works for you and you feel happy, I've got your six. :)
Just remember that I'm loyal to a fault. And you'll always be the tops, yeah? So. You know.

[starmark]

he's definitely not a replacement
i guess it's more like
it's easy to understand him because of the similarity
understanding him is like understanding my friend
like i've got a head start on it

also he's smart and good-looking and talented
he paints and can cook
and he's strong
i watched him throw a car at somebody and it was amazing

[Knowing what he does of Jill, he is 100% confident she will be on board with this.]

[torsion]

It's rough. Complicated. But if I didn't say it I wouldn't be a good friend, you know?
Even if I think you weren't in that mind-set or that lost.
People can be similar sometimes, yeah. I get that. Guess it's harder for me to really "get" it. Always wanted the same guy. Just didn't maybe don't understand it, I don't know.
Complicated.
Guess that's one thing we both get.

Ha ha, got yourself a renaissance strong man, yeah? I don't judge regardless.
Just remember I'm on your team so I'm gonna support you where I can. Just don't make me break the guy's bones. ;)
If you're happy, though, I like that.
People talk shit about younger folk like they can't get it. But I don't understand. You should be happy wherever you can be, however long you can be.
Just let 'em know I'll bust his ass. I like you best. Naturally gotta protect what I love. :)

[ It's not the same thing as a romantic relationship, but that she was willing to see and admit that she loves Jotaro (however it might be), is something she doesn't acknowledge. She doesn't realize what she's done, what she's said, and what it means.

Dizzying. Like phantom hands dragging out whatever you have left inside. She'd be alright with it. ]

[starmark]

yeah
you helped more than you realize though i think
the way you look when you talk about chris
it's the same for me
when i think about this guy

maybe he'll come here someday
chris i mean
i hope so
i want to meet him if i can

i guess you're all right too
:)

[torsion]

I guess I'm
more transparent than I think huh? I like to I guess
I don't know. It's something I've fought for a long time. But being here, I know I need to talk to him when I can.
At the very least, he deserves to know how I feel.

I think you'd like him. Assuming you don't mind a bad joke or ten. ;)
He and I are pretty similar other than that he's like, three times my size? I guess.

Shucks. Don't make me cry.
Gotta play strong independent gal, you know! Rougher for a woman to bounce back from vulnerable.

Moved in with a guy from my world. So if you need anything here's the address you'll find me, by the way. Guess I kinda wanted to tell you that.

[ Don't let yourself become this awkward, Jotaro. Consider her a cautionary tale. ]

[starmark]

who's the guy
and what's his acronym

is he a STARS or a BSAA or a JFOFSH or what is he
because i know he's something
if he's from your world

[torsion]

Leon Kennedy.

I wish I could call you a smartass, but you're not wrong. He's with the DSO, Division of Security Operations. Unlike me he works for the American government, though it' still an anti-bioterrorism organization.

So, same business, different organization.
BSAA is better, naturally. ;)