You want me to bully you into fucking off back to sleep.
Oh. I get it now.
Don't look at your phone until I tell you to. I need to get this right, so it's going to be slow and if you only see half of it it's going to be wrong.
You don't need an excuse, you know. To stop for a while. That's what this is, isn't it? Because if you really can't do anything but fuck off back to sleep. Then fucking off back to sleep becomes the optimal strategy.
You're so caught up in doing the right thing for everyone that you can't stop doing the right thing unless someone fucks with the situation in such a way that that the stopping, in itself, is the right thing. It's kind of funny, really. I love you. Fuck I love you so much. And I don't think you're fucked up. Very fucked up, anyway. I think you're a good person. And maybe all good people have to be a little bit fucked up or they wouldn't know what a bad person is and how not to be one. But it is kind of funny.
I want to do it. I want to mess with you until fucking off back to sleep is the only thing left that you can do. And when you fuck off back to sleep I want to make it worth it. So you know it was the right thing. I want to make you feel good. And I want to make you safe. And when you're ready to wake up I want to kiss you awake again and make that worth it, too.
But I don't want that to be the only reason that you can fuck off back to sleep. I want you to promise me that you'll try to do it just. Because it's what you need to do. If it doesn't work out it's okay but I want you to keep trying.
[ He waits about ten seconds after he's done typing, then breathes out after what felt like holding his breath the whole time he was writing. ]
no subject
Oh.
I get it now.
Don't look at your phone until I tell you to. I need to get this right, so it's going to be slow and if you only see half of it it's going to be wrong.
You don't need an excuse, you know.
To stop for a while.
That's what this is, isn't it?
Because if you really can't do anything but fuck off back to sleep. Then fucking off back to sleep becomes the optimal strategy.
You're so caught up in doing the right thing for everyone that you can't stop doing the right thing unless someone fucks with the situation in such a way that that the stopping, in itself, is the right thing.
It's kind of funny, really.
I love you. Fuck I love you so much. And I don't think you're fucked up.
Very fucked up, anyway.
I think you're a good person.
And maybe all good people have to be a little bit fucked up or they wouldn't know what a bad person is and how not to be one.
But it is kind of funny.
I want to do it.
I want to mess with you until fucking off back to sleep is the only thing left that you can do.
And when you fuck off back to sleep I want to make it worth it. So you know it was the right thing.
I want to make you feel good. And I want to make you safe. And when you're ready to wake up I want to kiss you awake again and make that worth it, too.
But I don't want that to be the only reason that you can fuck off back to sleep.
I want you to promise me that you'll try to do it just. Because it's what you need to do.
If it doesn't work out it's okay but I want you to keep trying.
[ He waits about ten seconds after he's done typing, then breathes out after what felt like holding his breath the whole time he was writing. ]
Look at it.