IC Inbox | rubycity_rp | II

[starmark]

. . . Yare yare. What is it? Hurry up and say something already.



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[OOC: Contact through any format is fine, including action as you see fit!]

Comments

[berrynice]

[Her heart feels solidly lodged in her throat as she reads, the urge to screw her eyes shut and turn away from the things she doesn't want to know warring with the need to understand and ease her son's pain. He says there's no one who can understand, but she tries anyway (she has to, doesn't she? she's his mother, and he went through all this for her), she pictures that rainy street outside and imagines the frozen water droplets having glistening metal edges, and she can imagine maybe a fraction of what Star felt too, because she feels him buzzing anxiously underneath her skin with the need to make her distress stop--

... Ah. Yeah, maybe she should be trying to do that instead. Just stop - and not make all the world stop with her - and try not to let guilt and good intentions tangle her up so tightly she can barely breathe. Let's maybe give that a try.

So what this all amounts to on Jotaro's end is a long pause of figurative silence, in which his mother rapidly winds herself up and then promptly tries to wind herself down, her actual success in the latter being debatable, but at least she can manage to type without her fingers trembling too much.]

It must be so hard and lonely. I wish you didn't have to feel like that's your responsibility. I wish you didn't have to feel any of that at all.

But... I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, Jotaro. I understand it's scary thinking of all the things you could do, but I don't think you ever would. You're not someone who would ever hurt an innocent person intentionally.

I actually got really upset when Noriaki told me you were going to stay away from us because of my Stand. Because it made me remember how you locked yourself away when Star first appeared, and that made me mad. And I still don't like it, honestly, but... my point is, no matter what kind of power you have, your first thought is always about keeping people safe. And that hasn't changed, even after everything.

Maybe... some part of you is like Dio, and maybe some part of me is... a burden to the people I want to protect most.

But

[...]

Maybe we should be giving the parts that aren't some weight, too.

That's want I want to think, anyway.

[starmark]

...

i think maybe...you're the only one who can decide what that part of you means

it took me a long time to figure out how i would know that i wasn't like dio, how i would KNOW that i was different

i think maybe that's what you need to do about feeling like a burden

because people can tell you and tell you and tell you that you're not but if you can't believe it then it doesn't really matter how much they say it

i think you need to figure out how to believe that you're not

...

and i hope that when you do you'll tell me

so i can make sure to make it easier to believe that however i can

[berrynice]

[... Heh. He loves her.]

Maybe... you could tell me what it is you think you understand about me better from having my Stand?

I don't know if I want to know what it does, but if you can somehow separate it out, I think that would be okay.

[starmark]

[Oh. Well. He's quiet for a long moment, then, trying to figure out how to put his feelings into words.]

i think that this is the kind of stand that you would never use either way

i mean it goes without saying, i told you before that you could use this to attack somebody, that's not a surprise

but the thing is you wouldn't

it's

...

you're the kind of person who tries to shield other people by taking things on yourself

before i knew what star was, he kept getting out and hurting people and it bothered me because i was using him without realizing it, he was trying to do what i wanted him to do without either of us knowing what that was

but if that had happened with you and your stand, someone might've really gotten hurt, too

so maybe it's almost like you ordered it to attack yourself instead of anyone else

i don't know if that's true or not either way but i think that's the kind of person you are

but if you think about it that's also you protecting people from a part of you that scares you or that isn't...great

and i think you do that too, and that's where the burden thing comes from, is that you always try to hide the things about yourself that you don't like, whether it's your stand or your feelings or anything else