[He knows what happens, he thinks dazedly, at the end of this. He remembers what happens, sort of. It's the part he likes, which isn't to say that he hasn't liked the rest of it, but it's that part, the part of this where —
He knows what happens. It starts with him getting lost, and it's all right. He gets lost and stays lost and it's all right. It's dark. It's quiet.
And then slowly, slowly, he comes back up again, like floating back to the surface from the bottom of the ocean. And when he gets there, someone will be touching him. Petting his hair. Aftercare is the word he's heard said before, and it sounds so reassuring. It's the part where someone takes care of him after. It's the part where he feels ripped open and too much like a burst overripe fruit, and someone loves him so gently and so patiently that eventually he remembers he's Jotaro Kujo again.
It's the part that makes him crave this whole thing. He's gotten so good at burying his feelings deep that sometimes they get stuck and he can't get them back out again. There's no holding back his feelings when Adrian helps him do this, however. They all come out, and he has no say in it whatsoever. He doesn't have to decide. They all purge out, good and bad and in-between, and he gets to rest in the aftermath.
He likes this part. He's so, so glad Kakyoin is going to be with him this time.
He wishes Kakyoin's hand was near his mouth so he could lick at his fingers, gratefully, but then at length remembers how to squeeze his hand where Kakyoin's holding it, and that's almost as good by comparison.]
I know.
[He does. He's known all along. It's going to be so much, but he can do it. Kakyoin is here, so he must be safe, and it's such a damned luxury to remember what safe even feels like to begin with.]
no subject
He knows what happens. It starts with him getting lost, and it's all right. He gets lost and stays lost and it's all right. It's dark. It's quiet.
And then slowly, slowly, he comes back up again, like floating back to the surface from the bottom of the ocean. And when he gets there, someone will be touching him. Petting his hair. Aftercare is the word he's heard said before, and it sounds so reassuring. It's the part where someone takes care of him after. It's the part where he feels ripped open and too much like a burst overripe fruit, and someone loves him so gently and so patiently that eventually he remembers he's Jotaro Kujo again.
It's the part that makes him crave this whole thing. He's gotten so good at burying his feelings deep that sometimes they get stuck and he can't get them back out again. There's no holding back his feelings when Adrian helps him do this, however. They all come out, and he has no say in it whatsoever. He doesn't have to decide. They all purge out, good and bad and in-between, and he gets to rest in the aftermath.
He likes this part. He's so, so glad Kakyoin is going to be with him this time.
He wishes Kakyoin's hand was near his mouth so he could lick at his fingers, gratefully, but then at length remembers how to squeeze his hand where Kakyoin's holding it, and that's almost as good by comparison.]
I know.
[He does. He's known all along. It's going to be so much, but he can do it. Kakyoin is here, so he must be safe, and it's such a damned luxury to remember what safe even feels like to begin with.]
I am.