[He waits, quietly, while Alucard works at preparing his food for him, watching how he moves and ruminating on it. It's hard to tell whether Sanguis is just going easier on him this triple moon than it did last month, or if it's the same as it was then but just being dampened beneath the weight of his sorrow. Maybe that's not such a bad thing, though. Having a slightly clearer head makes it easier to figure out which parts of his feelings are the result of moonlust and which ones aren't.

It would feel good to moonlace; that much is objectively true. Saturating himself in pleasure because of how bad he feels, however, seems like it's just one step away from drugging himself to escape his sadness, which isn't a good solution.

It would feel good to help Alucard feel better; that's objectively true, too. But he'd be lying to himself if he tried to act as though that's all it is. Alucard deserves better than what amounts to a pity fuck. He'd said it last month and he stands by it now.

Eventually, a notion strikes him: when, exactly, did he start feeling as though he has to rationalize a reason for why he's allowed to feel good?

Avdol didn't think he needed to. Avdol just wants him to be happy. Jolyne wants him to be happy. The people who care about him want him to be happy.

So what is it? What would make him happy?]

I want to let you take care of me tonight.

[His green eyes are soft as they slide up in search of Alucard's, his expression more unguarded than usual.]

I want to do what you say is best for me, for a while. And then after that I want to...mess around. I want to let you touch me. ...Too. Want to let you touch me back, this time.