I know what I'm going to have to do someday. I'm not trying to pretend like it isn't coming. As soon as my shoulders split open with all of this, I knew a clock was ticking.

[He ducks his head, reaching up to scrub at his face.]

I know you're being the voice of reason. I need that. It's not denial, I'm not in denial, it's just...I need to feel like I tried. Just that I tried to not...just accept this. I need to feel like I fought it somehow, or I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if I really am like —

[And then he stops short, hard and abrupt, like he didn't mean that last bit to leave his mouth but it got out anyway.]